I Love Some One That Dont Love Me Anymore
I need to vent this (I'm sorry if it's lengthy)...
When I first met HIM, we would talk all night. Losing track of time, only to find out it was an hour before we had to "wake up" was an every-night routine for us. A few hours after saying "Goodnight!," I would get a "Good Morning!" text, or a "just thinking of you" message. When I woke up and saw it, I would immediately text back. And off we'd go. All day. All night. Now...
I check and re-check my phone through the morning. Around noon, I send a text saying "hi" or something equally lame. IF he replies, on average, it's about an hour-ish later, only to say he's busy and he will talk to me later. So I believe him. And I wait. ... ... Nothing. No phone calls anymore, no texting or chatting. Around ten or eleven at night, I would text. I would never get a reply. The next day, he would claim he fell asleep early. So I started sending the evening texts around nine instead. That seemed like a better time for a couple of days, then all of a sudden, no replies would come until the following mornings, saying he fell asleep early. Every single night. So recap: We no longer talk during the day, nor do we speak at night. Our single interaction during these times is a greeting from me and a reply from him putting me off until later, which never happens. Other than that, nothing.
Lately we've see each other in person about twice a week (none this past week though). However, we recently went three months without being in each other's presence due to "busy schedules." I definitely understand busy- I am a professional in my career, and I am raising a son. What hurts, what truly breaks my heart about it though, is the fact that, during the three months, he didn't act like he had any desire to see me. It was as if he didn't even notice that we hadn't touched or kissed, or even laid eyes on each other in so long. I was actually forgetting his face. I would've rearranged MANY things in my schedule to accommodate an afternoon together. And to be honest, a lot of his "tasks" were things that seemed like he could've put off for a day or maybe placed lower on the priority scale since he claims he loves me (he expresses it often and rather convincingly). All of this from a man who took an entire day off from his job just to meet me for the first time (we met online- EP, actually, a little over a year ago)
I never mention this stuff to HIM, because I don't want to be THAT CHICK. But a year together, and we are supposed to be in love... I would think that we would be getting closer, not ...whatever this is. I recently took a new job in his area, not because of him, I am in grad school and I am transferring to a different university not far from him (I live an hour and a half away now), and I am relocating later this summer- I have been commuting so far, and spend time driving to and from and/or overnights at a hotel when I have to be in town early.
On one particular overnight, it was supposed to be the first time seeing each other after those three months of being apart. I was beyond thrilled that he was going to come see me at my hotel. I was bouncing in my seat the entire drive down there. I had packed an outfit and candles for the occasion, and made sure that the room was one of the best. We had been talking about this for a week or more. He seemed pretty happy about it, too. On the ride down there, I messaged him, and we went back and forth with jokes, and then he said he was put onto something at work so he had to go, but he would talk to me in soon. I waited..and waited. I arrived. I checked in. I went to the bank. I unpacked. I freshened up. I did some work from my laptop. I went to get dinner around eight p.m. He was supposed to get back to me HOURS before that. At nine p.m. I texted "Have a goodnight." He replied over half an hour later that some friends had surprised him by coming into town and they were all out catching up. No apology. Just..that. I was so CRUSHED. I had no clue what to make of that. None. I have not a single problem with catching up with old friends and understanding that it happens. My problem was, and IS, with the lack of consideration for me. He should have at least texted or called saying he wasn't going to make it. The next day, I get a text early in the a.m. from him. He's very apologetic, and assumes (incorrectly) I'm mad because he went out with his friends. He is wishing me all kinds of good luck with my day and continues to apologize. Finally, mid-morning, he calls. He continues to apologize, but I change the subject. I cannot hear it anymore. I'm not even upset about what he's apologizing for anyway. Later in the day, ANOTHER CALL from him. A record or something. He wants to know if I am still in town. I tell him I am about to leave, because I need to get back to my kid. He asks if I will meet him at our spot. I say sure, because I don't want to throw away a chance to see him. He shows and keeps apologizing. Finally, I explain that I'm hurt, not mad and the reason why. I don't think he gets it.
We met on EP over a year ago. After a few months of chatting and texting and phone calls, we met in person. We have NEVER felt like strangers. Not once has it felt like we didn't have a connection and could tell each other everything. But here I am, on Similar Worlds for almost a week, and I haven't mentioned it. And what is funny is, he is probably on here as well and hasn't told me. I am not using the same name I had on EP, and I am POSITIVE he wouldn't use his from before. I guess the question is:
Will we find each other again?
When I first met HIM, we would talk all night. Losing track of time, only to find out it was an hour before we had to "wake up" was an every-night routine for us. A few hours after saying "Goodnight!," I would get a "Good Morning!" text, or a "just thinking of you" message. When I woke up and saw it, I would immediately text back. And off we'd go. All day. All night. Now...
I check and re-check my phone through the morning. Around noon, I send a text saying "hi" or something equally lame. IF he replies, on average, it's about an hour-ish later, only to say he's busy and he will talk to me later. So I believe him. And I wait. ... ... Nothing. No phone calls anymore, no texting or chatting. Around ten or eleven at night, I would text. I would never get a reply. The next day, he would claim he fell asleep early. So I started sending the evening texts around nine instead. That seemed like a better time for a couple of days, then all of a sudden, no replies would come until the following mornings, saying he fell asleep early. Every single night. So recap: We no longer talk during the day, nor do we speak at night. Our single interaction during these times is a greeting from me and a reply from him putting me off until later, which never happens. Other than that, nothing.
Lately we've see each other in person about twice a week (none this past week though). However, we recently went three months without being in each other's presence due to "busy schedules." I definitely understand busy- I am a professional in my career, and I am raising a son. What hurts, what truly breaks my heart about it though, is the fact that, during the three months, he didn't act like he had any desire to see me. It was as if he didn't even notice that we hadn't touched or kissed, or even laid eyes on each other in so long. I was actually forgetting his face. I would've rearranged MANY things in my schedule to accommodate an afternoon together. And to be honest, a lot of his "tasks" were things that seemed like he could've put off for a day or maybe placed lower on the priority scale since he claims he loves me (he expresses it often and rather convincingly). All of this from a man who took an entire day off from his job just to meet me for the first time (we met online- EP, actually, a little over a year ago)
I never mention this stuff to HIM, because I don't want to be THAT CHICK. But a year together, and we are supposed to be in love... I would think that we would be getting closer, not ...whatever this is. I recently took a new job in his area, not because of him, I am in grad school and I am transferring to a different university not far from him (I live an hour and a half away now), and I am relocating later this summer- I have been commuting so far, and spend time driving to and from and/or overnights at a hotel when I have to be in town early.
On one particular overnight, it was supposed to be the first time seeing each other after those three months of being apart. I was beyond thrilled that he was going to come see me at my hotel. I was bouncing in my seat the entire drive down there. I had packed an outfit and candles for the occasion, and made sure that the room was one of the best. We had been talking about this for a week or more. He seemed pretty happy about it, too. On the ride down there, I messaged him, and we went back and forth with jokes, and then he said he was put onto something at work so he had to go, but he would talk to me in soon. I waited..and waited. I arrived. I checked in. I went to the bank. I unpacked. I freshened up. I did some work from my laptop. I went to get dinner around eight p.m. He was supposed to get back to me HOURS before that. At nine p.m. I texted "Have a goodnight." He replied over half an hour later that some friends had surprised him by coming into town and they were all out catching up. No apology. Just..that. I was so CRUSHED. I had no clue what to make of that. None. I have not a single problem with catching up with old friends and understanding that it happens. My problem was, and IS, with the lack of consideration for me. He should have at least texted or called saying he wasn't going to make it. The next day, I get a text early in the a.m. from him. He's very apologetic, and assumes (incorrectly) I'm mad because he went out with his friends. He is wishing me all kinds of good luck with my day and continues to apologize. Finally, mid-morning, he calls. He continues to apologize, but I change the subject. I cannot hear it anymore. I'm not even upset about what he's apologizing for anyway. Later in the day, ANOTHER CALL from him. A record or something. He wants to know if I am still in town. I tell him I am about to leave, because I need to get back to my kid. He asks if I will meet him at our spot. I say sure, because I don't want to throw away a chance to see him. He shows and keeps apologizing. Finally, I explain that I'm hurt, not mad and the reason why. I don't think he gets it.
We met on EP over a year ago. After a few months of chatting and texting and phone calls, we met in person. We have NEVER felt like strangers. Not once has it felt like we didn't have a connection and could tell each other everything. But here I am, on Similar Worlds for almost a week, and I haven't mentioned it. And what is funny is, he is probably on here as well and hasn't told me. I am not using the same name I had on EP, and I am POSITIVE he wouldn't use his from before. I guess the question is:
Will we find each other again?
41-45, F
