I Am a Shapeshifter

Feeling Incomplete... My name is Drachona. It has been at least 6 years since I started to realize what I am, and 5 years since I truly awakened to it. Looking back, I always knew what I am, but it was a game for me and my friends. I had a friend wo would introduce herself as a vampire and I would call myself a werewolf. However, we never "pretended" to be such things. We simply played like normal children. It was as innocent and natural as telling someone your name. For years, I had horrible nightmares chronicling my subconscious journey towards acceptance of who and what I am. At first, my dreams showed me battling some monstrous wolf or werewolf. Later, I would fight off such creatures while being one myself. Now, I am void of such dreams. After years of internal conflict, I have fully accepted myself. Now I am faced with another problem.

Search anywhere on the internet and you will find information about shapeshifting. So many old legends and new misconceptions. Few truly understand it and many lie about it for whatever reason. I have been told by others of my kind that the process is painful, but becomes more natural over time. It's like running. The first time you run for a great distance, you will be sore and weak. However, the more you do it, the more you become used to it and the pain no longer comes as it did before. I write this "story" because I feel somewhat incomplete. It is becoming clear to me that, whatever this is, there are genetic components to it just as much as psychological ones. Even today, my mind shows me my desires. I see myself running on all fours and becoming a wolf even though I have never experienced it. I feel as though a part of me is trapped and I cannot free it because I do not have the key for it. I am just as much wolf as I am human. That is the nature of my existence and the existence of others like me. We are not human and not wolf (or other non-human animal); we are both simultaneously. To avoid either form, psychologically and/or physically, is to avoid a part of one's self. I write this because my mind, my heart, and my instinct tell me that to be both wolf and human simultaneously is the nature of me. Without either part, I would be only a fragment. I do not know what good will come of saying this publicly, but perhaps others will inderstand my conflict. Ever since non-humans went into hiding for safety's sake, we have been losing a part of ourselves. I swear on my life I can remember a time when it was natural for us and we were friends with humanity. I wish more than anything, even if it occurs long after my death, that all beings will be able to live without hiding. There will always be hunters and there will always be opposition and denial, but to live as we are is worth all that would come of being exposed to humanity. Otherwise, we risk the loss of ourselves and of our history. I would die for this cause if I knew my children and the children of others could live without hiding who and what they truly are.