If you asked me what's one of the toughest things in the world?

I'd say being disabled and being dependent on other people most of the time. I wish I wasn't this way but it is what it is. I can't just wish it away.

So my mom is helping me sleep and when I ask her to tuck in the blankets to keep the warmth in since it's winter time she tell me looking after me is so exhausting. I know she's tired after a day at work but I have a metal plate on my neck that gets really painful when I get too cold so I have to keep warm at all times but she doesn't understand that though I've explained this to her over and over again. She says I'm too demanding and it always hurts coming from her. She was complaining saying I've asked for her to do a lot of things for me since she came home but who else was I supposed to ask when it was just me and her. Maybe I'm too demanding just like she said.


I just want to be free from these chains of disability so I don't have to bother anybody ever again and the only way out seems to be death. I'm not saying this so people can feel sorry for me but it seems like the easy way out. If it's bothering my mother this much who else can put up with it. Maybe I can finally find rest on the other side because living this way is really hard. No independence and I'm always worried what's going to happen to me if my parents died. The future looks really dark and I never want to face it. I just want all the suffering to end. Maybe I should find a way to separate my body and soul because I don't want to do this anymore. I'm just tired.