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I Lost My Husband

I never thought it would hurt this much. We fought all the time. Prolly more than we got along. I wanted to leave and now all I want is for him to come back. My husband died yesterday. One minute he was here and the next he was gone. He drove me nuts, he pissed me off, he made me laugh, I loved him. As much as he frustrated me I love him still. I keep thinking he's going to walk through the door but he never does. I have been listening to his music and looking through his art work. I spend all day at the funeral home. He just turned 40 on the 9th. I am gonna be 35 next week. I don't want to say goodbye yet. Life is not suppose to happen like this. I just don't understand why.

His boss started a go fund me page for service expenses and other bills. I normally don't ask for help. I hate it. If you can donate great but if not maybe u can share the page. Please.

https://www.gofundme.com/s7ex7y8?d=144410164

Please put him in your prayers.

Thank you. Hugs.

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polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

Are you better yet honey?

sweetiepiehuggs · 41-45, F

no. but I am trying. I feel like the days are getting harder because everything is becoming more real. But I am keeping busy and surrounding myself with people and I have a really good support system. Its just all those little things you know. They seem to hit you all of a sudden. And I don't know how I am going to deal with the holidays yet. But I am taking it one day at a time.

polyandrym66 · 70-79, M

@sweetiepiehuggs: Having gone through a similar thing, I'd suggest that you rent a storage unit and empty your home of everything that was HIS and that reminds/triggers you about HIM.. You can deal with it all later...
Even your clothes that HE liked you to wear and hobby items you two shared.
Then I'd begin telling your circle of friends that you do NOT want to dwell on HIM for a while (some will go away)..
It will allow you some space to heal (not forget) without so much pain.