I Overcame Self Injury
I use to injure myself. Even though no one would see it I still wanted them to know I did it. Finally I realized that my self injury would not cause anyone around me to feel compassion towards me. They would not think that I must have some major emotional pain and struggles to deal with. If I hurt myself because of perceived rejection from a specific individual it would not cause them to see that only a person that loves them this much could feel so hurt by their rejection that they would hurt themselves from the pain. Once I got together with the guy I'm with today I really didn't want to mess the relationship up. This is when I figured out that my self injury would most likely weird him out and he'd leave. Then I had my daughter. I wanted her to have the best mom possible and a mom who self injures is not being very healthy for her child. The place my mind would go when I would hurt myself was not a place anyone wants to be especially a child. So I stopped and I highly doubt I would ever do it again.
Yesterday I found this writing I did years ago when I was in a depression and feeling rejected by someone.
WARNING: Self Injury TRIGGER
I never wanted to be back here
I feel so empty
I once again experience the real meaning of "alone"
The shadows laugh at me
Just like they laughed before
They tease me
They chase me
They dangle knives in front of my eyes
I ignore them
I turn the other way
The image burns in my thoughts
I turn and grab the shining ob<x>ject and stare into my hand
It stares back a steady gaze
The sharp edge glints in the light
It whispers to me caressing words promising relief
I have trust in this and can feel our closeness coming
The world around me suddenly becomes very quiet
I bring the blade to my skin
I run it's cold edge across and rake the surface over and over again
Almost invisible lines soon turn red
They bloom with life and run like the tears I'm unable to shed
My wish for peace is near
Serenity will be mine
Every new cut speaks a prayer
Every prayer is answered
They say self injury goes with with time. I think it's true. I've learned much better ways of handling stress and rejection. I surround myself with positive people, do positive things, and try to have positive thoughts. I don't think many people can wrong with that.
Yesterday I found this writing I did years ago when I was in a depression and feeling rejected by someone.
WARNING: Self Injury TRIGGER
I never wanted to be back here
I feel so empty
I once again experience the real meaning of "alone"
The shadows laugh at me
Just like they laughed before
They tease me
They chase me
They dangle knives in front of my eyes
I ignore them
I turn the other way
The image burns in my thoughts
I turn and grab the shining ob<x>ject and stare into my hand
It stares back a steady gaze
The sharp edge glints in the light
It whispers to me caressing words promising relief
I have trust in this and can feel our closeness coming
The world around me suddenly becomes very quiet
I bring the blade to my skin
I run it's cold edge across and rake the surface over and over again
Almost invisible lines soon turn red
They bloom with life and run like the tears I'm unable to shed
My wish for peace is near
Serenity will be mine
Every new cut speaks a prayer
Every prayer is answered
They say self injury goes with with time. I think it's true. I've learned much better ways of handling stress and rejection. I surround myself with positive people, do positive things, and try to have positive thoughts. I don't think many people can wrong with that.
