I Want to Move On

I know I'm over him & over that toxic relationship. Some days I feel cheated wondering if what we ever had was real. I wonder how could you move on so quickly while I'm in so much pain here. I don't wish to inflict pain on myself because it's stupid. Some days I just can't help it. Some days I want to know how you're doing but I regret once I do. I'm glad you're doing well.. I just wished the same for myself. I want to be happy. But whenever I go back to the dating game again I feel like I'm bound to get hurt. I push everyone away & when that happens I feel like I'm not good enough so people don't stay. People leave me behind. I don't think one day I would even receive any love like I deserved to... I feel so hopeless in that sense. I don't think someone out there will love me for my imperfections or love me for my everything.