I Have a Dysfunctional Family
Dad...
0 It hurts you wanted mom to get an abortion. I can feel your hate for my presence.
1 Hi dad you don't do much with me. I feel you are a stranger. But you're my dad.
2 my sister is mean to me. You do nothing but watch. I saw you smile a few times. I guess you view me as weak because I don't fight her for my toys.
3 my sister is really hurting me. You do nothing. She limits her anger to when mom is far and you are close for a reason. I assume you believe it will toughen me up.
4 I love you dad. I want to build things like you. I hand you tools while you work on your truck. Its the most exciting thing! You taught me not to run into the street by yelling really loud. I was afraid. It showed me you care.
5 you are still mean to mom. I go to school worried. My sister seems to hurt me more the more you yell at mom. I read her diary to understand why. I recorded you and mom fighting with my boom box I got for Christmas. Your fight was about money. Mom was hurt you told her she was fat and stupid around other people. My sister doesn't seem to care When you fight.
6 you are gone all the time. When you come home you yell at me to clean or get out of the way of the t.v. I watch t.v. about happy family's. I cry. Especially around Christmas. Please stop yelling at mom.
7 you made mom leave with us. Now we are in a homeless shelter. I embarrassed mom when I asked a man with 1 leg if it's hard to walk. He didn't seem to mind. Then we lived in a really small house the shelter gave us. It was blue and I couldn't play in the yard. There were rotting peaches and flies all over the ground. I cried during Christmas, when I broke a plate I thought mom couldn't afford to replace it. I was devastated over that.
8 you said we can't come home. Mom is mad you cheated on her. Living at grandma's is sometimes fun. I avoid where they kill the pigs and goats. I forget about you. You never call. You called on my birthday. I don't know why.
9 I have to live with you. I wanted to stay with my sister. Somehow... Through the abuse, she was the only one who understood our similar struggle. She still beats me. You still don't care. You said my B's aren't good enough on my report card and told me to be like my sister with her A's. I don't want to be like her. She is hateful. Trying doesn't matter, I'm no good at school.
10 I watched the planes fly by and made no friends. I wanted to kill myself with a broken piece of mirror. It scared me. Are kids supposed to be this messed up? You give me pills. They make me numb. The abuse with my sister is intense I don't even tell you. I keep getting detentions in school, I didn't learn cursive at all.
11 life is hard you are never home. My sister is going to kill me one day. I stopped planning my adult life. It doesn't seem likely I will survive. I blame your absence. You are gone till 930 at night your schooling matters more than us. I made a friend. Somehow it's made things bearable being away.
12 You went away on business and left us with Pat. He got drunk and tried to touch me. You didn't believe me because I was afraid to tell you. I felt ashamed when the counselor belittled me he said "you didn't even try to defend yourself"😂... I remembered my sister's abuse I thought of how you would see me as weak again if little weak me didn't defend myself... Yet again. I wanted to be strong for once.. I lied and said I bit him. I didn't. There was no mark. Case closed. You called it a dream. I was angry. I demanded to live with mom. You wouldn't allow it till after tax season for your write off. You invited Pat to help pack up my things. I hid in the closet and cried. He found me and smiled. Melissa my only school friend in life decided my sister was cooler and told the whole School what was destroying my world. It was hard all the girls talking about me.
13 I'm happy I'm at mom's. You don't call. May "happy birthday", December "merry Christmas". Mom cries about money, love is ask we need.
14 mom's house is depressing. I wonder why you still don't call. May "happy birthday", December "merry Christmas".
15 I get anxiety at the thought of you. Please don't call, your presents depress me. May "happy birthday", December "merry Christmas". You made fun of my boyfriend because he had long hair. I should have known you would only see the shallow surface.
16 I hate you, you ruined my life. I can't even be normal in a relationship. Everything hurts. May "happy birthday", December "merry Christmas". Leave me alone.
17 May happy birthday December merry Christmas. Thanks for the $100.00 graduation gift, don't spend it all in one place right? You are in my past, I'm done trying.
18 I don't want to continue this relationship. I tried. You made fun of the guy I am dating. You said he looks like a meth head. May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
19 I borrowed some money to pay for my car. I was so ashamed. Thanks for the help. May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
20. It tears me up knowing the pain within me is the barrier between knowing you as a different person. You still believe Pat never did it. I found out you are friends still.
May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
21 I moved to Ogden with my sister. She is close with you somehow. She tells me the bad things you say about me. I can't trust her. She gets off on my depression and anxiety triggers. Still working to find a way to face my pain with you. Thanks dad. May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
22 nothings changed. How's work, you going to school, what are your future plans... Fixing my wrecked emotions thanks 👌 May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
23 I don't think of you much. Still sad. But time has been healing things. Same conversations. How's work, you going to school, what are your future plans... Fixing my wrecked emotions thanks to you 👌 May happy birthday December merry Christmas. You started buying crap to show off your wealth. Not surprised and not impressed. 👏 on that birthday dinner when you acted like a waiter would come ruining like a dog if you snapped. You are such a tool. It was great when you we're ignored and looking quite stupid.
24 How's work, you going to school, what are your future plans... Still fixing my wrecked emotions thanks to you 👌 May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
25. You bought us crap from Disney world. You gave me the one that was the villain and my abusive sister the one that was the heroes. You made it clear its because I'm the "bad" kid. I got bad grades and dipped out of your life. I lost it a few times when my sister tried bringing the abuse from the good old days into our adult lives. I have boundaries, and emotion regulation issues. Sue me. My sister told me how she continues a relationship with you as an investment for your will. Telling you that was the very first time I have ever seen you show any kind of emotional pain. I guess you are human... I'm sorry. A pack of wolves we are huh.
26. My family relationships have withered away. I'm moving to another state. Got my own house and am gonna start over. I see your trying dad. Our phobe conversations are still mechanical... I don't want you to know me.
27. Thank you for visiting me on your camping trip.. This was really the first time I felt you respected me as a person. Hanging out and dribbling together is a favorite memory. It was like you loved me. It was weird meeting your new wife she's 6 years older than me from Thailand. I start to wonder about your trips abroad. I have heard of sex tourism. Me and my sister agree it wouldn't surprise us.
28. Haven't seen you or talked much. Living out of state has helped get me my space. Can always guarantee the birthday and Christmas call. It's your MO. I'm considering moving to Florida my New boyfriend lives there. I don't really have family that would miss me.
29. I'm MOVING TO FLORIDA! I'm so excited! You don't care. 1 hug and a "I'm gonna miss ya". Same old visits, no trying to spend time before I leave... Our generational trauma runs deep. I realize you are in your own lovely prison. I move away without a peep. Goodbye... Love you.
30. I'm missing you all so much.. I guess it's easy we never really talked. I try to call more its hard because there's nothing to talk about. Getting over things is what I do.
31. You talk of visiting, you love Florida. It makes me feel special. I never thought you would care to visit me. We don't talk much, I don't expect much. Your birthday and Christmas calls finally don't give me anxiety. I look forward to them 😊 other than when you ask about my sister. I can't have her toxic in my life anymore..
32. More talks of visiting I figure you will visit in a few years. No rush. We actually talk about some things and joke on the phone. Sometimes you talk about your best friend Pat... The one who destroyed my trust for you. You are dense.. You mentioned you want to retire in Thailand? I will never see you again...
33. Your talking about building a house in Thailand. I told you things will get bad soon, it's not a good idea the economy and political arena are about to get very hostile there. Secretly I hope you don't listen so I can rub it in your face when you face plant (I have anyways been smarter than you).
34. You didn't listen your house is being built. I know your wasting money. I warn you again knowing your the type to have to screw up to learn. Oh well. The clock ticks and every second brings me closer to proving to you I am smart... You only value intelligence. I guess I have gotten to the agree of being texted for my birthday and Christmas? Ok..
35. You got stuck in Thailand because of Covid and can't finish your house? Told ya. Congrats 👏 I enjoy my moment of WINNING. Your treating me with respect? Like you value my oppinion? This is weird to feel good talking to you. I wish you would call me for Christmas and my birthday... I still hate my birthday because of your shallow performance as a father.
36. You really do respect me now. You finally fully admit I knew about this worldshift years before it happened. You pause in conversation and want to hear my oppinions. Like you value them... You still talk about visiting. It's getting old that that's a part of the conversion. Please don't explain how you "feel bad"... I'm not an obligation. Nobody has visited me since I moved away. It is what it is.
0 It hurts you wanted mom to get an abortion. I can feel your hate for my presence.
1 Hi dad you don't do much with me. I feel you are a stranger. But you're my dad.
2 my sister is mean to me. You do nothing but watch. I saw you smile a few times. I guess you view me as weak because I don't fight her for my toys.
3 my sister is really hurting me. You do nothing. She limits her anger to when mom is far and you are close for a reason. I assume you believe it will toughen me up.
4 I love you dad. I want to build things like you. I hand you tools while you work on your truck. Its the most exciting thing! You taught me not to run into the street by yelling really loud. I was afraid. It showed me you care.
5 you are still mean to mom. I go to school worried. My sister seems to hurt me more the more you yell at mom. I read her diary to understand why. I recorded you and mom fighting with my boom box I got for Christmas. Your fight was about money. Mom was hurt you told her she was fat and stupid around other people. My sister doesn't seem to care When you fight.
6 you are gone all the time. When you come home you yell at me to clean or get out of the way of the t.v. I watch t.v. about happy family's. I cry. Especially around Christmas. Please stop yelling at mom.
7 you made mom leave with us. Now we are in a homeless shelter. I embarrassed mom when I asked a man with 1 leg if it's hard to walk. He didn't seem to mind. Then we lived in a really small house the shelter gave us. It was blue and I couldn't play in the yard. There were rotting peaches and flies all over the ground. I cried during Christmas, when I broke a plate I thought mom couldn't afford to replace it. I was devastated over that.
8 you said we can't come home. Mom is mad you cheated on her. Living at grandma's is sometimes fun. I avoid where they kill the pigs and goats. I forget about you. You never call. You called on my birthday. I don't know why.
9 I have to live with you. I wanted to stay with my sister. Somehow... Through the abuse, she was the only one who understood our similar struggle. She still beats me. You still don't care. You said my B's aren't good enough on my report card and told me to be like my sister with her A's. I don't want to be like her. She is hateful. Trying doesn't matter, I'm no good at school.
10 I watched the planes fly by and made no friends. I wanted to kill myself with a broken piece of mirror. It scared me. Are kids supposed to be this messed up? You give me pills. They make me numb. The abuse with my sister is intense I don't even tell you. I keep getting detentions in school, I didn't learn cursive at all.
11 life is hard you are never home. My sister is going to kill me one day. I stopped planning my adult life. It doesn't seem likely I will survive. I blame your absence. You are gone till 930 at night your schooling matters more than us. I made a friend. Somehow it's made things bearable being away.
12 You went away on business and left us with Pat. He got drunk and tried to touch me. You didn't believe me because I was afraid to tell you. I felt ashamed when the counselor belittled me he said "you didn't even try to defend yourself"😂... I remembered my sister's abuse I thought of how you would see me as weak again if little weak me didn't defend myself... Yet again. I wanted to be strong for once.. I lied and said I bit him. I didn't. There was no mark. Case closed. You called it a dream. I was angry. I demanded to live with mom. You wouldn't allow it till after tax season for your write off. You invited Pat to help pack up my things. I hid in the closet and cried. He found me and smiled. Melissa my only school friend in life decided my sister was cooler and told the whole School what was destroying my world. It was hard all the girls talking about me.
13 I'm happy I'm at mom's. You don't call. May "happy birthday", December "merry Christmas". Mom cries about money, love is ask we need.
14 mom's house is depressing. I wonder why you still don't call. May "happy birthday", December "merry Christmas".
15 I get anxiety at the thought of you. Please don't call, your presents depress me. May "happy birthday", December "merry Christmas". You made fun of my boyfriend because he had long hair. I should have known you would only see the shallow surface.
16 I hate you, you ruined my life. I can't even be normal in a relationship. Everything hurts. May "happy birthday", December "merry Christmas". Leave me alone.
17 May happy birthday December merry Christmas. Thanks for the $100.00 graduation gift, don't spend it all in one place right? You are in my past, I'm done trying.
18 I don't want to continue this relationship. I tried. You made fun of the guy I am dating. You said he looks like a meth head. May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
19 I borrowed some money to pay for my car. I was so ashamed. Thanks for the help. May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
20. It tears me up knowing the pain within me is the barrier between knowing you as a different person. You still believe Pat never did it. I found out you are friends still.
May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
21 I moved to Ogden with my sister. She is close with you somehow. She tells me the bad things you say about me. I can't trust her. She gets off on my depression and anxiety triggers. Still working to find a way to face my pain with you. Thanks dad. May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
22 nothings changed. How's work, you going to school, what are your future plans... Fixing my wrecked emotions thanks 👌 May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
23 I don't think of you much. Still sad. But time has been healing things. Same conversations. How's work, you going to school, what are your future plans... Fixing my wrecked emotions thanks to you 👌 May happy birthday December merry Christmas. You started buying crap to show off your wealth. Not surprised and not impressed. 👏 on that birthday dinner when you acted like a waiter would come ruining like a dog if you snapped. You are such a tool. It was great when you we're ignored and looking quite stupid.
24 How's work, you going to school, what are your future plans... Still fixing my wrecked emotions thanks to you 👌 May happy birthday December merry Christmas.
25. You bought us crap from Disney world. You gave me the one that was the villain and my abusive sister the one that was the heroes. You made it clear its because I'm the "bad" kid. I got bad grades and dipped out of your life. I lost it a few times when my sister tried bringing the abuse from the good old days into our adult lives. I have boundaries, and emotion regulation issues. Sue me. My sister told me how she continues a relationship with you as an investment for your will. Telling you that was the very first time I have ever seen you show any kind of emotional pain. I guess you are human... I'm sorry. A pack of wolves we are huh.
26. My family relationships have withered away. I'm moving to another state. Got my own house and am gonna start over. I see your trying dad. Our phobe conversations are still mechanical... I don't want you to know me.
27. Thank you for visiting me on your camping trip.. This was really the first time I felt you respected me as a person. Hanging out and dribbling together is a favorite memory. It was like you loved me. It was weird meeting your new wife she's 6 years older than me from Thailand. I start to wonder about your trips abroad. I have heard of sex tourism. Me and my sister agree it wouldn't surprise us.
28. Haven't seen you or talked much. Living out of state has helped get me my space. Can always guarantee the birthday and Christmas call. It's your MO. I'm considering moving to Florida my New boyfriend lives there. I don't really have family that would miss me.
29. I'm MOVING TO FLORIDA! I'm so excited! You don't care. 1 hug and a "I'm gonna miss ya". Same old visits, no trying to spend time before I leave... Our generational trauma runs deep. I realize you are in your own lovely prison. I move away without a peep. Goodbye... Love you.
30. I'm missing you all so much.. I guess it's easy we never really talked. I try to call more its hard because there's nothing to talk about. Getting over things is what I do.
31. You talk of visiting, you love Florida. It makes me feel special. I never thought you would care to visit me. We don't talk much, I don't expect much. Your birthday and Christmas calls finally don't give me anxiety. I look forward to them 😊 other than when you ask about my sister. I can't have her toxic in my life anymore..
32. More talks of visiting I figure you will visit in a few years. No rush. We actually talk about some things and joke on the phone. Sometimes you talk about your best friend Pat... The one who destroyed my trust for you. You are dense.. You mentioned you want to retire in Thailand? I will never see you again...
33. Your talking about building a house in Thailand. I told you things will get bad soon, it's not a good idea the economy and political arena are about to get very hostile there. Secretly I hope you don't listen so I can rub it in your face when you face plant (I have anyways been smarter than you).
34. You didn't listen your house is being built. I know your wasting money. I warn you again knowing your the type to have to screw up to learn. Oh well. The clock ticks and every second brings me closer to proving to you I am smart... You only value intelligence. I guess I have gotten to the agree of being texted for my birthday and Christmas? Ok..
35. You got stuck in Thailand because of Covid and can't finish your house? Told ya. Congrats 👏 I enjoy my moment of WINNING. Your treating me with respect? Like you value my oppinion? This is weird to feel good talking to you. I wish you would call me for Christmas and my birthday... I still hate my birthday because of your shallow performance as a father.
36. You really do respect me now. You finally fully admit I knew about this worldshift years before it happened. You pause in conversation and want to hear my oppinions. Like you value them... You still talk about visiting. It's getting old that that's a part of the conversion. Please don't explain how you "feel bad"... I'm not an obligation. Nobody has visited me since I moved away. It is what it is.
