I Am Single

So, we just got off the phone. We talked for about 45 minutes, which is way less than we used to, with many minutes of silence in between. Initially, he had asked that we 'remain friends'. I wasn't really sure what that looked like, and neither was he, but for fear of losing him completely, I said okay.

The next couple of days went by. No call. No text. Just silence.

I was confused, and unsure if this is what our 'friendship' was going to look like until it faded into nothing. On the fourth day, he texted me. We talked about groceries and dinner. Superficial, light, conversation... probably the first time we had ever done that, and it felt so wrong.

I called him the next day, but for whatever reason, he was busy and unable to pick up. The next morning he called me back. I was caught off-guard and groggy from just waking up. I couldn't even remember what the night call was about, and we ended up talking about our plans for the day and the weather.

I toughened up that night, and regardless of how it might've been perceived after already having talked that morning, I asked him to call me that night. When he did, I didn't beat around the bush. I talked about the strangeness and the seemingly repressed nature of our relationship, and he agreed. We tried to find some balance, between the silences, we thought of how to give each other enough space to process, yet still provide a window or door for when we wanted to return. Or if we wanted to return.

He said he would like to wait 3 months. Take 3 months without talking, just use it to process. That was ironic, considering that was the same amount of time I told him I take before considering a relationship 'notable'.

I hated it, and I laughed, and I loved it. I think it's great.

Presently, 3 months feels like half of a lifetime. But if I'm able to take a step back and look at the big picture, 3 months is just a grain of salt. I'm happy that I walked out of that with a clearer understanding and a more solid idea of where we are.

I ended the conversation by saying, "I like you."

"I like you... in 3 months." He replied.

I laughed.

"I like you now, AND... hopefully in 3 months." I added.

He laughed.

Then he asked me if there was anything I'd like to say to him before our 90-day hiatus. I asked him to tell me about how the trip goes that he's about to go on next weekend. Then I asked, "Anything you want to tell me before the 90-days?"

He said, "I hope that you will go deep within yourself."

I paused. Then a light and thoughtful smile ran across my lips. He was always so good at giving me that warm feeling.

"Thank you." I said. Then we said goodbye and hung up.