I Want to Be An Actress
I have finished school and I want a career as an actor. I have recently looked on a bunch of actors websites and they all want resumes. The only work I have done is a lead role when I was in the second grade. But that was about it. So why is it that I am a college graduate but haven't been in any parts all this time? Well, I basically consider myself a victim of circumstance. It's not that I haven't tried to act. It's just that things have always gotten in the way.
When I was in elementary school, I would be in the drama productions but they were not real plays. They were just singing on stage. While I had a good voice, I wanted to be a serious actress even at 10 years old. Then I left my elementary school/middle school to go to a performing arts school and that didn't work out. They never had any real plays if you can believe it. They had acting classes and shows for the parents where we presented monologues or scenes but that was all. The principal was more concerned about getting publicity for the school since it was new than about the students' futures. So I quit that school and decided to do virtual school.
I don't regret virtual school because it definitely prepared me for University and I was able to work at a part-time job but if there was any bad from it, it was that I didn't get to be in any high school productions. I tried out for the musicals at a performing arts museum but I was only able to be an extra. I lost the part to this girl with terrible acne who knew everyone there. I still took about two years of acting lessons at the museum where I learned the basics of acting and singing.
Even before I entered high school, I went to this performing arts camp in New York which was my first sleep-away camp. I auditioned for everything and I was only in the ensemble in the 42nd street musical. My parents had to pay hundreds for me to be a piece of decoration in the musical. A waste of time. No one there helped me improve.
So then when I went to college I was a theatre major. I auditioned for their BFA program four times including before I got accepted into the school. But I never got in the program. I auditioned for the plays and I never got in. The only thing I got out of the major was five acting classes.
The reason that I couldn't drive to auditions in the area was because I cannot drive. I have tried to take the written test about six times and have never been able to pass. Since I waited too long to take the test online, now I can only take it it at the DMV and I'm horrible at tests. And I couldn't ask my parents to drive me to every single audition because my parents have lives of their own and I wasn't going to bother them.
Now I have graduated college and am in this cruel adult world. My resume is extremely small. I'm scared that no agent will even look at me once they see my resume. That no one will help me accomplish my dreams because they are very difficult. That thousands of girls audition for the same parts and only one is selected. That there is no hope for me. But I just wish someone can help me accomplish my dreams. That there can be this guide in my life who will tell me what to do to help me get to where I want to be. I don't want to believe that I will never make it. I don't want to feel that because for the past fourteen years that I haven't gotten any parts or anything else to fill on my resume that it is too late for me and to give up.
You have no idea how scared I am. It's not fair that because I'm not privileged like many people who live in areas where there are auditions or where parents force them to audition or have connections that get them into the acting world that it means that I am to settle into a life that I wouldn't be happy in. That because I don't have a car, or money, or opportunities or because no one would give me a chance that it means that's the end.
I keep thinking about Gabourey Sidibe's story how she heard about Precious auditions through a friend and just auditioned instead of going to class and got the part. That she just worked at a desk job and had no passion for acting but through one audition she got the part. Just like that. I only wish I could be so lucky. I just really could use the help. So much.
When I was in elementary school, I would be in the drama productions but they were not real plays. They were just singing on stage. While I had a good voice, I wanted to be a serious actress even at 10 years old. Then I left my elementary school/middle school to go to a performing arts school and that didn't work out. They never had any real plays if you can believe it. They had acting classes and shows for the parents where we presented monologues or scenes but that was all. The principal was more concerned about getting publicity for the school since it was new than about the students' futures. So I quit that school and decided to do virtual school.
I don't regret virtual school because it definitely prepared me for University and I was able to work at a part-time job but if there was any bad from it, it was that I didn't get to be in any high school productions. I tried out for the musicals at a performing arts museum but I was only able to be an extra. I lost the part to this girl with terrible acne who knew everyone there. I still took about two years of acting lessons at the museum where I learned the basics of acting and singing.
Even before I entered high school, I went to this performing arts camp in New York which was my first sleep-away camp. I auditioned for everything and I was only in the ensemble in the 42nd street musical. My parents had to pay hundreds for me to be a piece of decoration in the musical. A waste of time. No one there helped me improve.
So then when I went to college I was a theatre major. I auditioned for their BFA program four times including before I got accepted into the school. But I never got in the program. I auditioned for the plays and I never got in. The only thing I got out of the major was five acting classes.
The reason that I couldn't drive to auditions in the area was because I cannot drive. I have tried to take the written test about six times and have never been able to pass. Since I waited too long to take the test online, now I can only take it it at the DMV and I'm horrible at tests. And I couldn't ask my parents to drive me to every single audition because my parents have lives of their own and I wasn't going to bother them.
Now I have graduated college and am in this cruel adult world. My resume is extremely small. I'm scared that no agent will even look at me once they see my resume. That no one will help me accomplish my dreams because they are very difficult. That thousands of girls audition for the same parts and only one is selected. That there is no hope for me. But I just wish someone can help me accomplish my dreams. That there can be this guide in my life who will tell me what to do to help me get to where I want to be. I don't want to believe that I will never make it. I don't want to feel that because for the past fourteen years that I haven't gotten any parts or anything else to fill on my resume that it is too late for me and to give up.
You have no idea how scared I am. It's not fair that because I'm not privileged like many people who live in areas where there are auditions or where parents force them to audition or have connections that get them into the acting world that it means that I am to settle into a life that I wouldn't be happy in. That because I don't have a car, or money, or opportunities or because no one would give me a chance that it means that's the end.
I keep thinking about Gabourey Sidibe's story how she heard about Precious auditions through a friend and just auditioned instead of going to class and got the part. That she just worked at a desk job and had no passion for acting but through one audition she got the part. Just like that. I only wish I could be so lucky. I just really could use the help. So much.
31-35, F