I Wish I Could Leave The Past In The Past And Not Look Back

Well, later on today I'm working & going back to a place I lived for almost 4yrs. Would have never left if I didn't get Rheumatoid arthritis. Just the last few weeks I've been having dreams about it. Yes my ex took me there but those were the best 3yrs of my life.

I'm not worry about running into her but just there's a part of me wishing I never left. I'm sad bc what would my life be if I didn't get this crippling disease.

I should be sleeping but my mind is racing what could of been. Would I be married or what. They say when 1 door closes another open. The problems is that none has opened and it seems like they get slammed in my face. Is it wrong to still have feeling for a place I moved away back in 2006?!?!