I Am Abused Mentally

@NativeOregonian *hugs* I'm sorry it happened to you too. It's awful...

@Melpomene Thank you, it is very awful, things that not many understand, nor care to :(

@NativeOregonian It feels like most of the people don't care. I told my friend, who at that time I trusted a lot, and she was like "so what? don't you know how lucky you are?" because we live in a small town and my family is considered a "good, happy family"... I thought she would show compassion but I guess she had problems of her own...

@Melpomene She only sees the outside, not what goes on behind closed doors, I am so very sorry :( What pisses me off the most are those that claim that we only allow what others do to us.

@NativeOregonian For whatever reason, she didn't want to see it. Neither does anyone else. They are much better when I listen to them talking about their problems while mine are...not that important. I'm guessing they have bigger problems so they think mine aren't that impossible to overcome but I'd still appreciate a bit of advice or something...
Yes! Someone told me to get a job and run away but they depend on me and even with a job I'd still need financial aid (as our government is sabotaging us...). And I can't leave them. Even if I weren't there to take care of them, I'd still worry. And I was raised with a thought "you need to have kids so there would be someone to take care of you when you're old". My brother doesn't really look like someone that can take care of a household alone and I'm a firstborn after all...

@Melpomene I don't mean to interject between you two's conver but.... I'd slap the shit out of that friend if they said "it's fine" to me.

@Melpomene *hugs* I am so very sorry :( In all my years of life experience, people who do not listen and act like their problems are worse only care about themselves and tend to exaggerate what they are going through. Maybe you and your brother can get your own place.

@bearinthebigbluehouse Not only did they say "it's fine" they continued with complaining about their own problems so I tried to put my "my friend needs me" shoes and felt ashamed that I even told her I had problems in my family when she's got it worse

@NativeOregonian Maybe they are but they aren't telling everything? Personally, I was afraid to tell the whole truth so I only said what I found was necessary and what was bothering me (ofc I wouldn't say "hey, I said something that made my mum mad and when she hit me my head hit the couch so that's how I got hurt" - she wasn't usually that violent and it was a small injury that passed a couple of days later), and I got used to punches and bruises but emotionally - it destroyed me.
"surprisingly" my brother looks fine. He spends most of the day playing games, can come late etc. I'm a female child, I do chores, I'm a full-time student... but gone once I get married. He's supposed to stay.

@Melpomene *hugs* I am so very sorry all that happened to you, maybe you can sue for custody of your brother.

@NativeOregonian I can't.
1. he's almost 18
2. he doesn't have to do any chores and is more respected than I am
3. we still have to uphold a picture of a "good, happy family"

@Melpomene :( He is expected to stay even after he turns 18? That almost sounds like a hostage situation to me.

@NativeOregonian He'll go to another city for his studies but we'll both have to come back to take care of them.
It's a bad situation provided by our lovely government that doesn't let you live off a minimum wage (or even a better job).

@Melpomene So your parents expect him to go live back with your parents to support them after his studies? Even more of a reason for you and your brother to get your own place together.

@NativeOregonian They will have their own income but we must take care of them. That's why we were born and I think even the law says so.
And it's quite pricy to get your own place here unless you earn an enormous amount of money so most of the people live with their parents or parents of their spouse.
I won't be living with him unless I'm forced to. It's enough that I have to clean up after him and force him to do at least part of the chores, not to mention that he has seen our father make "witty comments" about my appearance, cooking skills, "great" results at uni...and decided to add his own.

@Melpomene That is not the law, you do not owe your parents anything for having you. That is completely sick and twisted for telling you that. If I had heard that growing up I would have totally cut off all contact with my mother the second she told me that.

@NativeOregonian I heard it somewhere else, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's true. Though they are obligated to finance us until we're 26 if we're studying so I'm guessing that's a payback.

@Melpomene It is not true? There is no such law that exists, anywhere.

@NativeOregonian There is actually. "A parent that is incapable to work and doesn't have enough income has the right to be taken care of by a child over 18 y/o or another blood relative, or a child that is minor but has income, in proportion to his capabilities." A child can reject this if it proves that the parent didn't take care of the said child.
Well I surely won't leave them later. They are getting old and they already needed my help...

@Melpomene Which country does such a law exist in? No child should be forced to take care of their parents if that was their only reason for having them and are abusive to their kids while raising them.

@NativeOregonian This is one of the reasons I prefer not to say where I'm from, we've got some really bad laws.
We'd have like 5 people if there weren't people that are getting married because they reached their 30s and "it's time to get a child, to have someone to take care of us when we're old". I can't prove I was abused and it's mostly emotional abuse. Hell, my parents are well educated and they can't see when they are saying something hurtful, even when I tell them "this is hurting me". They have to see me crying or bleeding or something which will indicate something's (physically) wrong with me. And I'm not the only one. Plenty of other people, kids, are abused and parents don't realise they are abusing a child because their "parents did so too and what's wrong with us?" and when you try to object they call you disrespectful

@Melpomene That isn't them being educated, that is them being psychotically pathological, they see only what they wish to see.