I Don't Forgive and Forget Easily

It creeps up on me, it's within my subconscious, I sometimes find myself arguing with him in my head....I thought all was forgiven, but love, you are protecting me, with a warning that he will hurt me again. And this time he has good reason to......So even though I miss his face, I must avoid him until You my love give me the clear go......These wounds lasted a long time my love. It's been 3 years and we still need time to cool off. Maybe we've parted ways forever. Even though my hope was to store my treasure in heaven, but unfortunately it is tarnished and rusted. Will I ever not be angry with him, will he ever be as kind to me as he is with my Husband? I told myself that I would not hold it over his head, but when I'm reminded it floods my memories with hurt and pain, and I go off in a rant inside my head.....Onlookers must think I'm crazy, this wretch I am. Love make me whole again, let us forgive one another and become friends......Love where you lead I will follow, and thus far you are leading me away from that man....That man who wounded me deeply. On the surface I have forgiven him, but deep within my subconscious I still wage war with him and my love, that is the part in me that I want you to heal. These things bring me life.