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Do you run away from your problems/life?

My best friend pointed out that I’ve done that for as long as she’s known me.

And I do, come to think of it I’ve done it my whole life.
I remember being a kid and constantly escaping from reality, whenever anything went south in my life I would hide and go into my own reality, and put all my focus on that so that I would forget about everything else that happened around me.

And now I do the same. I turn off my phone, or I watch my phone ring, then I panic about what excuse to tell them as to why I didn’t pick up. I’ve had friends and family yell at me for going awol over some days. I ran away from my city, from my country, from all my problems, every time someone argues with me, my first instinct is to cut them loose. If they don’t try to fix it then it won’t be fixed, I’ll just accept that it’s over. Anytime I feel like someone is getting tired of me, I’m a burden or they’re about to leave, I’ll leave, I’ll run away so that they can’t hurt me.

When someone dies I run away from my feelings, I’ll drink, I’ll listen to music, I’ll just tune out everything around me to make sure I don’t face the fact that shit is going down in my life. Like; my aunt just died, but instead of talking about it, or crying, I just deleted fb for a week to not see anything about it, took anxiety medicine (which I’m not supposed to use for more than one day if needed, but I took it for 4 days), to not think - did overtime at work, by the time I got home I was so tired I crashed. My therapist asked how I was able to work on those medicines, but damn I did a little too good on it honestly.

Whenever anyone has hurt me, I’ve closed my eyes and thought of something else, just escaped mentally until it’s over. Then tuned it out with alcohol or weed, stopped eating for some days sometimes a week, or just slept until I felt better. Anything to not deal with it.

The other day we had a class at work, one hour class, ask me what I learned, I’ll dare you. I immediately started to panic just thinking about the class. Why? because there was no escaping it. There’s nothing wrong with the class, there was no danger, no reason to leave, I had no where else to be, but the fact that I HAD TO be there and I had to sit and pay attention; and had people expecting me to learn everything they said, made me want to run away.

Any situation where people tell me they have expectations of me, or they need me to do something, or worse they’re proud of me because I’m so great at something and they know that I’ll keep up on it, I’m already planning how to get out of it. And the thought of letting someone down, makes me want to pack up my bag and leave, not leave the house, no no, leave the country. Bye.

If I would’ve packed up and left every single time I had the urge to, I wouldn’t have roots anywhere.

I gotta change this, but I'm so good at it tho..
Oldest First | Newest First | Top
MilitantIrishman · 26-30, M
Sure. That's why I became such a heavy drinker. Helped me hide from my problems. The issue with that tho is that you can't hide forever.
Saraah · 26-30, F
[@8731,MilitantIrishman] Yeah I'm learning that now, but I did pretty good for a long time tho. 🙄
DawsonsGrove · 51-55, F
Please get into practicing energy work to balance your chakras and help with stress, anxiety, and so much more. It helps you feel so much better.
DawsonsGrove · 51-55, F
[@548406,Saraah] I can teach you grounding work via pm if you'd like. I would strongly suggest that you find a Reiki practitioner near you and go for a session. Meditation also helps immensely
Saraah · 26-30, F
[@506684,DawsonsGrove] I would love to, thanks :)
DawsonsGrove · 51-55, F
[@548406,Saraah] I will message you tomorrow with different ways I ground myself
I wish I could run away from them 🤷‍♂️
Oneofthestormboys · 51-55, M
I wouldn’t worry about it. If it’s your coping mechanism then fine.
We all handle things in different ways - some people go into a kind of hysteria, others get angry, some get incredibly melancholy. It’s up to you really. If hiding works for you, then why not? Where’s the rule that says you have to confront everything that comes your way?
If I had any advice at all, it would be to at least keep smiling, because there’s a lot of shit out there whether we like it or not. At least if you’re smiling then you can improve your own state of happiness even if everyone else is being miserable.
Saraah · 26-30, F
[@477979,Oneofthestormboys] I think it's working out great, but I'm kinda running away even from family, friends and responsibility, so I do need to work on that..

I'm smiling, people always tell me that I'm a freaking sunshine lol, except if I get angry, but I don't really show my anger that often.🙃
I wish I had courage to run away like that.
Saraah · 26-30, F
[@472983,CrazyMusicLover] It can be very lonely 🙃 I've pushed away most people I've had in my life, and the ones that are left I have to remind myself to not run from, or they call me out on it if I try🙃
smiler2012 · 56-60, M
{@saraah] i am not trying to sound critical here but you cannot keep running away for ever . some problems are deep and you just have to try and deal witb them
Saraah · 26-30, F
[@3749,smiler2012] I know, that's why I'm in therapy now, but It's a really hard pattern to change.

 
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