I don’t know what I’m suppose to do anymore!?

I’ve “Let Him Go”. And then when I can’t sleep in the middle of the night all I do is think about old memories. I analyze scenarios like a play-by-play and convince myself that if I had made other moves that things would be different now and I would be feeling better about it all. The truth is I don’t feel bad about any of it; I just don’t understand how something so perfect (our compatibility/bond together) can be so distant; we only see each other a month at a time. Every time we’re together though it feels so good. For years I revolved my life around him. But I stopped doing that. I needed to find my own space without him especially since the weeks apart started to grow farther apart...I’ve leaned deeper into connections with others I see more frequently and those are going fine. I don’t understand why he keeps coming back to my mind. I can only distract myself for so long before I’m play-by-playing another moment! Why does he take up so much space in a world so small!?