Your thoughts are always appreciated....?

You know, last year was one of the darkest years of my life, my depression ran rampant, everything went to shit, lost myself mentally, seen the darkest part of my soul, shits terrifying, been about 2 months since I broke myself from that though and I don't plan on going back, but for some reason, I miss being like that lol, idk why though, so my question is, to people who also suffer from severe depression, if there was a stent that you felt better, do you guys miss it and work yourself back into that mindstate? That was the first time of my life I felt like that so idk what to expect lol