What do you do about a step parent that acts like your actual parent?

My son in laws Ex wife Dumped her kids on him with no warning whatsoever ,,He was fighting for just for his visitation
He was accused of shaking his son ,which was later proved not true ,he had a birth defect and almost died while he and his brothers were taken and put in foster care ,,
But his ex was still insisting after that was proven unfounded ,he had abused her and the kids
She is such a controlling witch
Her boyfriend moved out of state ,so she could not go ,
He knew with out my son in law agreeing to it ,she could not take them over 50 miles ,,
So she dumps them on her Mom and tells her Mom to bring them to him a man she was just trying to paint as a monster
She has to come back to Florida to sign over full custody to him
He works 7 days on ,,7 days off and at nights
2 of the kids also have special needs ,,the middle one in the gifted program ,and thinks he is better then everyone else
"He is special " He is also the one who called the law on his Dad ,,he admitted to me it was over ice cream
His Dad promised if he ate all his food ,then he could have Ice Cream ..My son in law fell asleep on the couch ,
He jerks his hand from under his head causing his head to come crashing down and laughs ,,he was really proud of himself ,,but my son in law was upset with him for waking him that way and goes to smack him on the rear with his hand ,but catch's his back ,,it did turn red ,,,his son calls the law saying he has been abused ,,they are already under investigation over the brain bleed ,,HRS takes all the kids
He told me his Dad deserved to loose them not for the slap
but for breaking his promise and not giving him ice cream

Well guess who gets stuck raising someone else's kids ?
Thats right ,,My daughter ,who's kids were almost grown

The kids mind better then they ever have ,they all improved in school and the oldest was not longer condoned for hitting and head butting adults ,teachers and teachers aids
Scratching and hitting just for asking him to join the other kids on the play ground
He went from Pre K classes to classes designed for kids with his particular disability ,,and regular arts and music classes
All A's and his behavior ,except because of his speech ,,
He is hard to pick out as a boy with any disability ,,and that is due to the time my daughter and I have spent with both of them

But ,,constant visits from HRS ,cops for wellness checks
telling the kids not to listen to my daughter "Mommie is taking Daddy back to court ,they will be with her soon
She is about to get her 5th summer with them
He made her pay no child support ,,she is allowed to visit them anytime she wants ,,and she makes excuses for the holidays ,,keeps the clothes they take with them
refuses to get meds filled it they run out while they are with her

She has cost my Daughter thousands ,,to retain a lawyer
She told her lawyer her took them from her ,,when she had to appear to sign them over
I think when you abandon your kids like that ,but tell the kids "She is not your Mommie ,you do not have to listen to her " that is Child endangerment and abuse "
She quit her job to be a good parent to someone elses kid and thats the thanks she gets ,,
She told the ex they need to co parent ,,she is the one who has to take care of them ,like it or not ,,she said on a cold day in hell maybe ,those are my kids ,,you have 0 say so about anything
Well she has kept on until Guardian Ad Litem has now done 2 home studies ,and her home found unsafe ..
She wanted a special needs boy to fly without an adult
they said no way
She made them stop everything for an hour every night at bed time ,,so she could talk to them ,,every single day
so she pushed for a hearing ,,she got one
The judge set a time before supper ,not bed time and its no longer every single day ,,so again she screwed herself

Now that the kids are older and see whats going on ,they dont even want to live with Mommie anymore
and after 5 yrs ,,she is still trying to make my son in law be supervised to be alone with his kids ,,this is something she is asking for when and if they ever do make it to court
There are 2 sides to every story
We work with HRS and the Foster Care system ,my daughter is a nurse with child care development training for children and adults with special needs
This lady picked the wrong family to screw with
I think when you abandon your kids for a man who doesn't even want you ,,you need to me the one in parenting classes
and supervised ,,the same crap she tried to pull on a good man ,,not to mention the stress and harassment she has caused my daughter ,,the woman they will not allow her kids to call her Mom ,she knows how bad it hurt me ,when she used to call her step father Dad ,,I was OK with Papa

A step parent has to parent. They should always keep in mind they aren't here to replace a loved one but to keep the child safe and welcome while the child is in his or her home/ care.

Then have a discussion with your step mom . Tell her that you would prefer that you and her become friends , but that she shouldn’t act like she’s your mother because it makes you feel uncomfortable . But also remember that this is strange for her too ... just like it is for you . And she doesn’t know really how to interact with you . And trust me when I say she is just as stressed out about this situation as you are. She fell in love with your father ... not you . You have no history together... you don’t have a common interest since you don’t have mother/daughter love going . So forging your own unique relationship with her is the only way to make things not be so awkward . If you had that honest discussion with her ... she is going to feel so much better and just be herself around you .., which I suspect is very likable . And then you can do the same.

Well he/she is a parent figure and actually you should respect that unless the person is disregarding your feelings or disrespecting you somehow

Hold on wait a minute, how old are you? I should not be seeing posts from kids😕

I never had a step parent but I think it’s a good thing when they act like a real parent it probably means they respect their partners kids, where so many step parents hate children.

My step mother was very kind and patient with my brother and me. And her/ their own 3 sons. She sort of approached us as a friend but she was a mother first. My dad left town when I was 5 and came back when i was going on 13 remarried with 2 boys and then had another. We called her by her first name, but politely. I never resented her. The old man had a way with words. Hee may have used half brothers once then somehow the half thing or step thing was unnecessary waste of air. My youngest brother is seventeen years younger than I am. In a way I don't know him real sell he as always busy with his age group. But we're brothers.

isn't that the point of them? my step grandfather is my grandfather

Their was 7 of us when our mother died aged 10 down to 10 months
5 years later our dad married again and we made hell for our stepmother
She stayed put and gained all our respect
The storys about the wicked stepmothers did help either.
If your stepmothers heart is in the place go and take to her and sort things out
Try and see things from both sides
I know where you are coming from
Nobody can never replace your mother

most step parents want to normalize with the offspring quick as possible. By the same token they shouldn't ask to be called Mom or Dad whatever the case may be. Actually depending on the child age they would be classier on a first name basis.

You are allowed to have your own personal boundaries where you determine what you do not the parent or step parent. If you feel uncomfortable do not ignore it. That is when you are having your personal boundaries imposed in.

He is your dad .What is he asking you to do to make you feel uncomfortable .

My mums husband never acted like one , instead he was abusive which absolutely sucked

I’ve never had a step parent, but it would depend on what “this” is....

u need say wht ur heart says.
but so respect him & her while talking.

The phrase you need to learn is - "no".

wow what is the do this for me.