How can I stop my self-destruct timer
I’m an idiot. I’m at literally the dumbest person I know. I think I just singlehandedly destroyed my 7year marriage in a single night. I didn’t cheat on her. Not even close. I hurt and scared her. I have a habit of harming myself whenever things stop going my way. I made a suicide plan when I was 15. I had already 3 friends kill themselves at This point. But then I met her and decided that I could live long enough for her to discover what scum I really am, she’ll leave, then I can die just like I planned. But the problem now is how much I want her. But I really did it last night. I’ve hurt myself to the point I need staples or stitches, I’ve told her I’m going to kill myself again. And just overall blowed up. Worst mistake of my life so far. If I’m not able to turn things around, I probably will make an even dumber mistake