Husband is becoming a mooch but I love him with all my heart

So married the man of my dreams.. he's amazing in so many ways. Extremely smart, hard working, sweet as can be, does most of the household chores, funny as hell.. he's an attorney and he does make a good living.. but he's paying things like student debt, credit card debt, car payment and rent.. by the time the month is over it's like he never has any money.. as a result I end up paying for just about EVERYTHING.. he often tells me he's going to pay me back and doesn't (I know because he gets behind I get it) but I'm starting to get resentful... we are pregnant and expecting a child in December and I've been trying to save save save but it's impossible with all these things popping up that I end up paying for (which he never pays back). How do I handle? Do I get mad and threaten? Do I just let I blow over and keep giving it my best effort to stay afloat (because life's to short)? Need advice... apart of me wonders if he's just taking advantage... his dad does that to his mom.. she's worked like 60 hours a week while he just stays home and drinks all day.. so apart of me wonders if he's just trying to push and see how much I'll pay/taking advantage.. but the truth is I don't know and would find it so hard to believe if he was ... just need advice please

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SW-User Best Comment

I don't get separate money for married people. Seems very...non-married. I share all of my money with my wife and don't see it as giving it to her.

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StevenIzzi · 51-55, M

@SW-User ty my friend. Being a father and husband is the best job I have ever had.

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

That sounds great. My husband would never let me work part time lol to take care of our kids. I guess it sounds like you both paid for a lot and don't think of it as my money.. you think of it as "ours" I could try to word on a mindset shift. I'm just having trouble not feeling resentful. Can work on it. Thank you for the advice much needed@SW-User

SW-User

@Brassm0nk3y I hope you work it out. I can't speak for Izzi, but I would suspect he would agree with me that's it not up to us to "let" our wives work part-time. FYI, no marriage is perfect.

StevenIzzi · 51-55, M

I typically respond with smart ass responses, but in all seriousness, I would have him consolidate some of his loans into 1 loan and this would lower his monthly payments to a more manageable payment and still be able to balance the support.

Now that being said, there is also the reverse mindset and that is now that you are married it is no longer his and her money, it is both of yours and if that means being able to support each other and help during the tough times then so be it, when things get better you will appreciate the fact that you were there for each other in good times and bad.

SW-User

@StevenIzzi Listen to this man!

SW-User

Is it possible that the money is going somewhere else? You two need to get this squared away so it isn't a continuing source of strain. You have an important (expensive!) new chapter coming along. I think you need an intervention of sorts and a commitment to full disclosure and full compliance with a budget.

Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F

Maybe I'm not understanding? Are you guys not living together because you say he is paying rent etc so if you guys are living together is he not paying the rent for you too? Here is the thing...when you are in a relationship it isn't me versus you... you both should be working toward a common goal. I expect my guy to take care of me and that I will take care if him. I would sit down with him and talk budgets. Determine how much you both bring in a month versus goes out. Set a budget with both of your money equally and then agree to set so much aside for fun together and don't forget to save some for emergencies. I can't tell you whether he is taking advantage of you or not, but I suggest you have a serious budget conversation no before your lawyer ends up with him before a judge dividing your assets 50/50 and someone paying child support in the end because I read that the top reason for divorced now in the USA is differences pertaining to money followed by infidelity. Good luck on your journey.

Brassm0nk3y · 36-40, F

He pays half of the rent... actually less than half...I literally pay for everything else... including going out and groceries etc.. thank you for the advice@Fungirlmmm

Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F

@Brassm0nk3y ahh that makes sense. Definitely have the conversation. Good luck. I'll listen if you need a sounding board. Just pm me.

DiamondInTheMud · 31-35, M

The thing credit card debt and Student loans is after you get that dream job you still have leave like nothing has changed in your life at least for 5-10years. If you ignore that fact, basic math will catch ya!

Justme5969 · 61-69, M

So sad!!! Huggs n prayers...

coolboy86 · 36-40, M

what

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