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Husband so sad.. abandoned by best friend. How do I comfort him?
Best man in our wedding, godfather to our child, my husbands ONLY friend has decided to go on an adventure to Australia (hasn't yet told my husband through conversation but husband saw a picture of a map and a hint that he was leaving on Facebook). Husband is a lawyer, one of those very intellectual loner super nerd types. Austistic as well... and he came to me tonight in depressed and in tears because he doesn't think he will ever see his best friend again.. the best friend just went through a horrible breakup and it sounds to me like he's just in the mood to travel the world for a while. It's my husbands only true friend. He has trouble making other friends because he's just standoffish and skeptical of everyone. How do I comfort him? He's SO depressed right now and the friend will hardly write him back through text. Husband thinks it's because he doesn't want to break the news to him and basically best friend is just going to jet off and abandon him... which he very well could but.. thoughts ?
26-30, F
16 replies
Sep 16, 2017
Why don't you help him find new friends? :)
Freefun7441-45, M
Man up. Be happy for your friend. It's not about you Drama Queen. 馃槵
Brassm0nk3y26-30, F
I know.. you're right. He's just so sad tho ! :-/ [@372492,Freefun74]
Freefun7441-45, M
Let him work through it. He doesn't need help
JaggedLittlePill41-45, F
[@372492,Freefun74] Yea. No. And she also mentioned he is Autistic. He cannot just get over it. This is nothing to do with selfishness or being a drama queen it is human nature to be sad when you are losing someone you depend on.

I rate this comment and advice crap in a handbasket.
greenmountaingal70-79, F
Tell him his friend can communicate with him during this time. And stress that you are there for him and his friend [i]will[/i] return eventually.
Brassm0nk3y26-30, F
Love this response. Thank you [@358142,greenmountaingal]
First, if he's a friend your husband should focus on what is good for his friend, after all isn't that what good friends do?

He might try looking at the positive aspects, like maybe this is what his friend needs, not that his friend is abandoning him. We should not live our lives for other people, it isn't right to want to hold those we love and care about back, just because we will miss them, that's just plain old ordinary selfish.

Comfort him by telling him the truth, don't coddle him, it sounds to me like he's had enough coddling. Being honest, explaining things like you would to an adult, in a way that makes logical sense might work if how you have described your husband is true. He should be able to respect a logical argument.

Also, maybe this is your time to step up and be your husbands best friend. Be the wife you are suppose to be, which should include being his best friend among other things. If his best friend is someone else other than you, that might be indicative of a totally different problem. You will have more time with your husband to explore all those things friends should be exploring.

Trying to keep people you love close to you because for selfish reasons is wrong. Wanting them to make decisions in regards to their life so that their life revolves around yours is selfish. Being sad they are leaving is only natural, but if you focus on what it means for them instead of what it means for yourself you might find that you are happy for them and it could change your entire perspective.

And whatever you do, don't make the friend out to be a bad friend, or wrong for wanting to leave what reminds them of their ex-wife. Be supportive of his decision, make it easy for him to stay in contact and/or come back after he has sorted his own problems out. If your husband is not careful it might not be that his friend is leaving for good, it might be that he stays away for good because of how he was treated before he left.
Brassm0nk3y26-30, F
Great response. So true. Thank you [@594713,CesareBorgia]
Goralski46-50, M
Your husband has problems
Brassm0nk3y26-30, F
Um..Don't we all? [@343077,Goralski]
Goralski46-50, M
[@542440,Brassm0nk3y] not emotional ones like that
Brassm0nk3y26-30, F
#TrollSpeak [@343077,Goralski]
Perhaps getting a therapist would help him better sort out his feelings? They might help him learn healthy ways to work through things such as this. Maybe help him get another friend?
RippinKlouds41-45, M
So many problems or fears or concerns could be alleviated if people would just TALK TO EACH OTHER. Is there any reason why you couldn't copy what you've written above and send it to the best friend ?
Brassm0nk3y26-30, F
He said it's because men don't talk like that lol.. thank you for the advice I agree[@526185,RippinKlouds]
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