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Dating & Relationships

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Should people have some experiences
before marrying someone? I say this having married the first man that touched me sexually
31-35, F
12
19 replies
56 views
Jul 1, 2017
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becca00f · 18-21, F
I've hear woman tell me they were virgins when they got married and are so glad they were. I have also heard woman say they wish they had experienced other men to know what they liked and to be able to do more with the one they married. so I guess it personal preferrence
GoldenWorm · 46-50, M
@becca00f: Knowing what you're getting into is better than getting lucky.
Goralski · 46-50, M
[image=https://photos1.similarworlds.com/00/00/00/00/00/36/27/52/Goralski-BdAvvexv4-b.jpg]
GoldenWorm · 46-50, M
Yes. One-size fits all*, going blind into marriage sexuality is a big part of why there are so many sexless marriages and marital strife.

It'd be much better if everyone was taught to figure out their sexual needs and wants and then to negotiate them with partners [i]before[/i] you share finances and living space.

*xtian marriage is alike a mumu.
Djce45 · 51-55, M
[@186635,GoldenWorm] Nonsense.. and the statistics don't support what you wrote.
MadchesterMan · 41-45, M
Definitely, if they don't they don't what works for them. People can be compatible mentally but they aren't necessarily compatible sexually. I guess only experience and age tells you that though. My advice is go and find the right person by having fun and testing.
SweetMae · F
I married the only man I every dated.
Invisible127 · 26-30, M
At this point in my life, having done the same as you, I say yes.
Helped me tremendously
WellFrog · 51-55, M
There is no simple answer here. Knowing your desires, whether from experience or fantasizing, does by no means guarantee that your spouse will actually be on board with maintaining these desires. If you experience acts that you desire before marriage, you can have at least felt the acts in reality if they disappear after the rings arrive.

Yet at once, having that experience come to a halt can lead to bitter resentment. If you never knew some desirable acts "in the flesh", can you truly miss them?

Of course some spouses are well matched sexually, which can have them thrive intimately regardless of experience levels.

I will share that some first time experiences can arrive ages after marriage, though often with others than one's spouse. I had a married lover once who's husband of 20 years had stopped having sex with her after 10 years.

He was the only man with whom she had previously EVER been sexually intimate and while she was well experienced with giving oral, she had never felt the overwhelming sensations of receiving oral sex. This was a most welcome new experience in addition to taking her first lover!
clothos · 61-69, F
"Should" is strictly a matter for your own values.

There is a tendency for people who have never had another partner to wonder what they might have missed out on,
and what all the fuss is about in love songs, myths, literature, film, and advertising.

You can get a more realistic idea of other people's sex lives by reading Masters and Johnson, Kinsey, and Shere Hite, or by attending one of Brad Blanton's (extremely expensive) workshops in Radical Honesty.

The unfortunate truth is that most people's sex and love lives are fraught with chronic dissatisfaction and disappointment. This creates a tendency to wonder if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It may look that way but, when or if you get there, you discover that the variations make no significant difference. But the process is virtually guaranteed to end in bitter pain for all concerned.

The best way to create a really satisfying relationship is to work on being and becoming the best lover you can be to your partner. And that means in day to day communications as well as in your physical intimacy.

This starts with taking responsibility for being able to satisfy oneself, then knowing your likes and dislikes and being able to communicate them (without criticism), and getting your partner to communicate his or hers. Ideally it should include an open approach.

Try not to get stuck in a repetitive template for the most efficient and quickest way to get to the minimum level satisfaction, for that is the mistake most long-term couples make, especially when career and family begin to impact on how much time they have alone.
Noahkahol · 61-69, M
This is a very comprehensive and well thought out reply. I agree
[@384528,clothos]

You can throw a ton of tares to water but that doesn't mean they'll sink.
greenmountaingal · 70-79, F
Most "experiences" don't work out well...especially for women. If you are happy now, don't long for what would have been, for the most part, a blind shuffle through the dating meat market with a lot of disappointments and shattered illusions.
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