I Listen to My Inner Voice

Breaking up with someone that I truly cared about and loved was one of the hardest things I’ve done. Every day feeling so guilty hoping that she is not crushed. Hurting her was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I just didn’t feel like we would work out in the end. Too many things that made us incompatible. I am a relentless optimistic, she is a pessimist. I save money and she spends everything she has and what others have and she has a ton of debt. I am emotionally expressive, she withdrawn when upset, she has issues sleeping so I ended up not sleeping well. My heart just would not let me stay in it, the last few days before the breakup being so bad that by the time I said something I felt like I went through the breakup 10 times, which didn’t make it any easier to actually end it. I felt like at that point I had no choice, my heart was going to keep screaming at me until I listened.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

If both people in a relationship disintegrate, whether emotionally, mentally or financially, who is going to take care of either of them?

I guess my position on this is that first you take all of the available steps to prevent their lives from negatively affecting yours (for example, if the problem is financial,
you at least keep separate accounts and if they are willing, you take over their funds and make sure they are spent on necessities and debt first). Maybe you take separate living quarters so their spending can't get YOU evicted.

If the issue is mental, you help them make arrangements to get help and they agree to follow through. If improvement does not happen, then you have another decision to make.

There comes a time when, regardless of how much caring and affection exist, the relationship is just not tolerable.

Normally the most telling information is are they WILLING to make genuine sincere changes to save the relationship? If not, then you have no obligation either.

Then you have to save your own sanity and where possible maintain a connection so they don't feel completely alone.

PoetryNEmotion · F

What you did was the most loving action you could have ever done in those circumstances. Thank you for your courage and your love. Blessings to you on your journey.

Contemplative · 36-40, M

@PoetryNEmotion Thank you

Keepitsimple · 51-55, F

All those things you mentioned are a very good reason to end a relationship. Marriage is very difficult and if you’re opposite and have different life goals and expectations you will always fight because you can’t agree. It will take time to get over but it would be worse to legally have to divide everything or have kids to share.

Contemplative · 36-40, M

@Keepitsimple True, and for that I am grateful. She wanted both and was pushing for it.

Keepitsimple · 51-55, F

@Contemplative I do feel bad for you. My son and his partner just ended last night but they were at very different points in their lives and growing further apart because of it. It’s sad.

Contemplative · 36-40, M

@Keepitsimpleits sad for now, but there is so much to learn from our losses if you don't run from the pain.

LamontCranston · M

It is best that it happened now and not at a later time.

Contemplative · 36-40, M

@LamontCranston I agree, I would have become resentful if I stayed.

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