I Listen to My Inner Voice

Breaking up with someone that I truly cared about and loved was one of the hardest things I’ve done. Every day feeling so guilty hoping that she is not crushed. Hurting her was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I just didn’t feel like we would work out in the end. Too many things that made us incompatible. I am a relentless optimistic, she is a pessimist. I save money and she spends everything she has and what others have and she has a ton of debt. I am emotionally expressive, she withdrawn when upset, she has issues sleeping so I ended up not sleeping well. My heart just would not let me stay in it, the last few days before the breakup being so bad that by the time I said something I felt like I went through the breakup 10 times, which didn’t make it any easier to actually end it. I felt like at that point I had no choice, my heart was going to keep screaming at me until I listened.

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Mamapolo2016 · F

If both people in a relationship disintegrate, whether emotionally, mentally or financially, who is going to take care of either of them?

I guess my position on this is that first you take all of the available steps to prevent their lives from negatively affecting yours (for example, if the problem is financial,
you at least keep separate accounts and if they are willing, you take over their funds and make sure they are spent on necessities and debt first). Maybe you take separate living quarters so their spending can't get YOU evicted.

If the issue is mental, you help them make arrangements to get help and they agree to follow through. If improvement does not happen, then you have another decision to make.

There comes a time when, regardless of how much caring and affection exist, the relationship is just not tolerable.

Normally the most telling information is are they WILLING to make genuine sincere changes to save the relationship? If not, then you have no obligation either.

Then you have to save your own sanity and where possible maintain a connection so they don't feel completely alone.