I Am Still Searching For Where I Belong

Since my very first breath on this world... I have always thought I was meant to do something BIG! I have always felt like there is some kind of magnetic field pulling me in. I've been searching and searching for what that is my entire life. But maybe i'm trying to hard, or maybe i'm looking in the wrong places. Maybe it's been here all along. Since the beginning i've always been a performer. I started out in dance and I love it more than anything. Even if I wasn't as good as the other girls! I didn't care, I knew I had one thing they didn't PASSION! I loved to be in the center of attention, And I always made sure my opinions where heard, loud and clear. My mom always told me that I should of been in debate class, because I have always fought for what I belived in. And then there is MUSIC! I always felt like music was my first language. Every time I hear a song, i listen to each lyric and every note. And words just can't explain what it does to me, It just brings something wonderful out of me. I have always loved to sing. However, an audience is my worst nightmare. For years I made my friends turn their backs or close their eyes. And I only sang in the shower or when my parents where at work. And thank god! they where at work a lot:) Next there is writing... And this is one gift that I am truly grateful for. Growing up I didn't talk much, I was very shy, But just because I was quite didn't mean I didn't have anything to say. Words just floated on to each page so effortlessly. I first created short stories, then started to write music. I always used writing as a way to deal and cope with my everyday heartaches. But when i turned my feelings in to songs, and then sang them It just became so powerful. I loved the feeling of creating something with so much meaning. I would create a song in less than 10 minutes. It was crazy exciting! And I have created over 200 songs and I'm so proud of them. However, I fear that they will never be seen or heard. Because something keeps holding me back. I'm not sure what that is... or maybe I do... these days My heart seems to know more than my head does.. I guess... I feel like I lost that performer girl I used to me, and i feel like without her I won't find what it is i'm destined for.