I Am a Single Mum
I was told the following words:
"You are an interesting girl and I would love to date you but my family and society would not accept someone with a kid. But you are still a good friend of mine."
I am not sure how to feel about that. It is the first rejection I felt without me asking for it. It was the first rejection I felt since after my divorce. But it is not the sort of rejection that is similar to a heartbreak of that sort. It is the first time someone rejects me for being not enough. It is the first time someone rejected me for gaining a kid by my side. It is the first time I had been rejected for a stereotype that was not my fault. It is a sort of discrimination.
I would be lying but it did break my heart. It broke my heart that the society I live in does not portray kindness. It broke my heart that society still chose to hold some sort of perceived stereotype that blinds their heart and minds.
The thing about those words that saddens me is that he probably knew instinctively that he just said something awful and discriminatory. He knew deep down that those words were shallow and shameful to say. But chose to make up for it by using "good friend" to patronise me thinking it would make me feel better. He'd probably thought it would save his ass and portray him as the good guy. But never have I felt worse by the weight of those words which only illuminated hypocrisy and timidity.
He went further to defend himself that his society and family are the ones to blame and that he does not believe in it but he has no choice but to conform. However, does he not know that when you choose to comform, you are also a participant of that society? Does he not know that by comforming, he acknowledges the stereotype and discrimination they believe in?
So where do I go from here? It is a heart strong path for me to take. A path that might question "Am I not good enough?"
Some of you might wonder what did I reply to those words. I replied:
"I am waiting for a man that loves me without inhibitions. I am waiting for a man that loves me fully without the influence of society. That is the man I want. I will wait for that."
"You are an interesting girl and I would love to date you but my family and society would not accept someone with a kid. But you are still a good friend of mine."
I am not sure how to feel about that. It is the first rejection I felt without me asking for it. It was the first rejection I felt since after my divorce. But it is not the sort of rejection that is similar to a heartbreak of that sort. It is the first time someone rejects me for being not enough. It is the first time someone rejected me for gaining a kid by my side. It is the first time I had been rejected for a stereotype that was not my fault. It is a sort of discrimination.
I would be lying but it did break my heart. It broke my heart that the society I live in does not portray kindness. It broke my heart that society still chose to hold some sort of perceived stereotype that blinds their heart and minds.
The thing about those words that saddens me is that he probably knew instinctively that he just said something awful and discriminatory. He knew deep down that those words were shallow and shameful to say. But chose to make up for it by using "good friend" to patronise me thinking it would make me feel better. He'd probably thought it would save his ass and portray him as the good guy. But never have I felt worse by the weight of those words which only illuminated hypocrisy and timidity.
He went further to defend himself that his society and family are the ones to blame and that he does not believe in it but he has no choice but to conform. However, does he not know that when you choose to comform, you are also a participant of that society? Does he not know that by comforming, he acknowledges the stereotype and discrimination they believe in?
So where do I go from here? It is a heart strong path for me to take. A path that might question "Am I not good enough?"
Some of you might wonder what did I reply to those words. I replied:
"I am waiting for a man that loves me without inhibitions. I am waiting for a man that loves me fully without the influence of society. That is the man I want. I will wait for that."
31-35, F
