@
senghenyddI understand completely where you are coming from, senghenydd.
Although I have not experienced an act of violence imposed upon my own family as you have described, I do work with teenagers on a volunteer basis who have been victims themselves of domestic violence. A large percentage of them leave the lifetime before they are 20 as a direct result of their violent encounter. At that point, I then focus my attention on the parents who in some cases, were the victimizer(s) no differently than our mentally ill Police Officer in question.
In the case of your mother, the Police Officer's actions were random acts of violence imposed upon people unrelated to him and whom perhaps he never even knew personally.
In the case of my teenaged friends, many of whom are now deceased, their own parents victimized them in over 80% of the cases, usually the father, although he is not usually classified as being 'mentally ill' in the vast majority of cases.
If ever it was the mother who was the victimizer, it was almost always because she had a history of varying degrees of mental illness herself throughout her lifetime. It is extremely rare for a female to bring harm to children, particularly her own.
As you continue to attend Church as you always have on a regular basis, something I would like you to take a closer look at while you are in Church, is the true meaning as well as the true intent of the word 'forgiveness'.
Something that is not usually taught to us in Church, is 'whom' the act of forgiveness we extend is actually intended FOR. Most people think that if I asked you to forgive that Police Officer, I am actually asking you to 'let him off the hook' so-to-speak, by saying "I forgive you, let's pretend it didn't happen and I hope you live happily ever-after!". Not so.
That is actually 'not' what forgiveness is about...
Forgiveness extended toward the Police Officer for example, is NOT about releasing HIM, it is actually about releasing 'yourself' from the situation or the event in question.
When you therefore say out loud as you sit alone in an empty room with the Police Officer pictured in your mind, "I forgive you for what you did to my mother", you are actually releasing YOURSELF from the chains that have held you back. You are not releasing the Police Officer in question, because only God can do that in truth, and eventually God Will.
When Jesus says to "forgive thy brother for his actions", Jesus is talking about your OWN release from the chains that bind you, not your brother's release from the chains he has brought to himself.
You will find that if you practice 'forgiveness' toward those around you for minor incidents for example, you will immediately feel a sudden 'release' inside of yourself as soon as you openly say "I forgive you" silently TO yourself.
When the day eventually arrives in this lifetime where you are able to bring yourself to 'forgive' that Police Officer in a similar way as I have described, you will also 'feel' that very same 'release' inside of yourself, even though nothing changes between him and your mother and of course God.
Try practice-forgiveness on small occurrences that happen in your day-to-day life and see what I mean about the experience you suddenly 'feel' inside of yourself through extending forgiveness to those around you. If a person is rude, forgive them immediately. If a person steps on your toe, forgive them immediately. If someone insults you, forgive them immediately.
Just remember, it's not about releasing 'them'; it's all about releasing 'yourself'! Try it! Start today!
Start by forgiving me for not seeing your story in the same light that you have experienced it ..and then come back here and tell me how you feel afterwards...
