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I Think I Like Hurting Myself Mentally

The Price Of Losing Yourself..... There is no greater way to destroy your personal freedom, than through the violation of your own identity through emotional and mental control. It is when you forget who you are and become who you are wanted to be, that we being to lose our sense of freedom and love to ourselves.

I see perplexed as you've been in the back of my mind all week, torturing me with old memories of us, filling me with guilt through your manipulation to my mind and emotions. As time's goes by I slowly realize how much you damaged me, how I forgot who I was, how I stopped being myself when you claimed me yours... I wonder if all the inner scars you left inside of me will ever truly heal.

I just hope someday I can leave you behind, and think back of you only to smile thinking of the sweet man you once were to me... for now I hold on to the name of villain you earned through these months, and hopefully someday I will stop this feeling that links me to my culture and tells me I should be making you happy despite my identity.


It seems as you nailed yourself to my brain, and every thought is stained with your memory..
Ravenge · F
Joey,

You have a way with words.. I’ve been hopeful that these wounds will heal without scars, but you are right. emotional scars are impossible in this situation, however these scars will be a reminder next time I have a man like Sidd trying to change who I am for him. They will be my alarm system.

Thank you for your comments on the way I’ve been dealing with this, I’ve never considered hiding from the pain, and avoiding facing the memories, I believe the best way to leave things behind is by analyzing them and making sure there is nothing left to do on your side, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life wondering “what if I had done this, or that”… You made me smile with the kick ass thing =D
Ravenge · F
CuckooHarley *grins* Thank you for the comment.. I'm glad you said the bible and not in the bible.. the people in that book are lame! lol

myth.. I try to be strong, there's simply moments that i hesitate, I feel like I can't overcome this and I become afraid of losing grip of my control. I would never go back to a relationship like that, but it's hard to go from thinking so highly of a man to later realize he was full of shit.. life is that way I guess, but it's still hard.
Ravenge · F
blu you've helped me see something in myself I never recognized, and it makes me feel so strong, strong enough to beat anything that may come after me.
Ravenge · F
Thank you Wilde.. your comment means a lot to me =D

 
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