I Dont Like My Dad But I Love Him
Don't get me wrong; my dad is a great person and I'm super lucky to have him as my dad. However, he's such a great person, that it often stresses me out. He expects a lot from me, and that can be really tough. He models such good behaviour that I feel below him if I don't fulfill his expectations. It sure doesn't make it any better that the only thing he ever really seems to want to talk about with me is my work or school. Every time he says my name I get stressed out and afraid he's going to ask about something I haven't done yet. Even in my social interactions, he is always trying to give advice and almost control how my relationships work out. For example, the second I brought up that I mentioned I was having a little trouble with my gf, he instantly started giving me advice and telling me what to say and do. It feels like he's trying to re-live his childhood through me, as a perfect child. He wants me to be perfect, and magically make the hard (but right) choices, and struggle through the consequences just because it's the 'perfect' thing to do. It feels like there's no room to screw up anymore. Even if screwing up is just goofing off when I haven't done something he wants me to do, he'll still get on my case about it, which makes me not want to do it so much more. My work agenda morphs into his agenda for me. Then, he holds the fact that it was originally my plan and my desire to accomplish something over my head. It feels manipulative.
Maybe I've just got some weird trust issues with my dad right now, but whenever he's around my stress levels go way up, and I find it hard to enjoy anything I do. My dad just got home from a few days of camping, so I was alone with my mom and brother. Now that he's back, the atmosphere has changed so much. Even playing piano, my one true escape from everything, felt stressful with him listening in.
Sorry for the very messy paragraphs. My thoughts are a little disorganized right now, and this was much more of a vent than I indented it to be.
Maybe I've just got some weird trust issues with my dad right now, but whenever he's around my stress levels go way up, and I find it hard to enjoy anything I do. My dad just got home from a few days of camping, so I was alone with my mom and brother. Now that he's back, the atmosphere has changed so much. Even playing piano, my one true escape from everything, felt stressful with him listening in.
Sorry for the very messy paragraphs. My thoughts are a little disorganized right now, and this was much more of a vent than I indented it to be.
22-25, M