do you guys ever want to get terminally ill?

sometimes i imagine it would feel like a relief. no one can blame you. they can't blame themselves. no one is to blame. all free of guilt. and you can spend your last months or weeks whatever doing things without regret. it's like an early retirement from life.

it's a lot more difficult to do it yourself. there's so many things to consider. all these people who depend on you. and then the fear. i want to be pushed, i guess. but gently

hahahehiuhohh

i wish i could erase myself. i don't want any memories left behind. i don't want there to be any record of my existence. i don't want to be part of this.

i'd rather roam the earth as a ghost. then ultimately disappear. i like the idea of wandering into unknown places. when would i grow tired of that? endless discovery sounds fun. maybe i would keep going expecting to find the end. and it never comes. could that be a form of hell or something else