I Remember Puberty
My Kids, Green Hair And Playboy... I get the call from the Police..they have my son at their station...Is he in any kind of trouble I ask...no, they want me to just pick him up...can you describe him they ask..
Sure, he is 5'9", brown hair, blue eyes and slim...he doesn't have green hair they ask? Listen, there are very few things in life I am sure of but No, he doesn't have green hair. Now this is one of the richest places in the US. they don't like kids and they surely don't like kids with green hair..
Sure enough, there he stands with the most God awful color of fluorescent Kermit the frog green hair you have ever seen..what the Hell??? I am thinking he got drunk and this is a bad dream..I can fix this I tell him...thinking a box of hair dye covers gray but will it cover green..Do I need a can of primer first???
I don't want to fix it he says as he looks under a bowl cut that looks just like Moe from the Three Stooges. no kid of mine is going to look weird i tell him ...well from that point it morphed into some strange looks...
I used to place bets on what he would turn up with...I prayed for Earthtones...he came in with primary colors...now the My little Pony palette was pretty..Pastel silver, blue and pink..hmmmm...then one night I come home and see a strange thing coming from over the back of the loveseat..It looks like he is wearing the Statue of Liberty crown with the points turned the wrong way...these points are as hard as rocks and lethal..and they are in the primary colors...ALL OF THEM...my brother threatens to dunk him head first in the toilet...He won't fit, I tell him.
Then he goes back to the fluorescent green mohawk...Now i have to admit he followed one rule..he must stay clean..In order to convince me that I had control, (which I lost a long time ago), I told him that his behavior must NOT be illegal or immoral...Now green hair is neither right?
The newspaper decides to feature him on the front page of the paper, the whole top half..he is so proud and I am so embarassed..Did you give your real name i ask...(i redeem myself later for this horrible remark).
He calls me the next day dejected..They made him look stupid...they conned him into thinking they were giving him and his lifestyle exposure..oh no, they blasted the kids...OOOOOH NOOOO>..my claws come out and I write a rebuttal of all times..no one talks about my kid with the green hair...well the local radio station picks up on the fight and asks us to be on their show.. now mind you I pray every night "that this too shall pass" and for earthtone hair....AND to add a little spice...that same week my daughter is picked to pose in Playboy...the opening 2 shots of the petite section..What kind of mom do they think I am...just one who loves her kids is all.
Well I had my revenge on him I guess..it is Halloween and i decide to dress as my son...I put the safety pins in my ears, the nose ring that almost pierced my nose, i wear his Dead Presidents tshirt and his studded belts and dog chains AND I give myself the most God awful fluorescent pink mohawk you can imagine..thinking I have made my point, I sent the pics to him...
Look at my mom...doesn't she look cool? it took me a week to get the pink out of my hair.. and this too did pass...kids
Sure, he is 5'9", brown hair, blue eyes and slim...he doesn't have green hair they ask? Listen, there are very few things in life I am sure of but No, he doesn't have green hair. Now this is one of the richest places in the US. they don't like kids and they surely don't like kids with green hair..
Sure enough, there he stands with the most God awful color of fluorescent Kermit the frog green hair you have ever seen..what the Hell??? I am thinking he got drunk and this is a bad dream..I can fix this I tell him...thinking a box of hair dye covers gray but will it cover green..Do I need a can of primer first???
I don't want to fix it he says as he looks under a bowl cut that looks just like Moe from the Three Stooges. no kid of mine is going to look weird i tell him ...well from that point it morphed into some strange looks...
I used to place bets on what he would turn up with...I prayed for Earthtones...he came in with primary colors...now the My little Pony palette was pretty..Pastel silver, blue and pink..hmmmm...then one night I come home and see a strange thing coming from over the back of the loveseat..It looks like he is wearing the Statue of Liberty crown with the points turned the wrong way...these points are as hard as rocks and lethal..and they are in the primary colors...ALL OF THEM...my brother threatens to dunk him head first in the toilet...He won't fit, I tell him.
Then he goes back to the fluorescent green mohawk...Now i have to admit he followed one rule..he must stay clean..In order to convince me that I had control, (which I lost a long time ago), I told him that his behavior must NOT be illegal or immoral...Now green hair is neither right?
The newspaper decides to feature him on the front page of the paper, the whole top half..he is so proud and I am so embarassed..Did you give your real name i ask...(i redeem myself later for this horrible remark).
He calls me the next day dejected..They made him look stupid...they conned him into thinking they were giving him and his lifestyle exposure..oh no, they blasted the kids...OOOOOH NOOOO>..my claws come out and I write a rebuttal of all times..no one talks about my kid with the green hair...well the local radio station picks up on the fight and asks us to be on their show.. now mind you I pray every night "that this too shall pass" and for earthtone hair....AND to add a little spice...that same week my daughter is picked to pose in Playboy...the opening 2 shots of the petite section..What kind of mom do they think I am...just one who loves her kids is all.
Well I had my revenge on him I guess..it is Halloween and i decide to dress as my son...I put the safety pins in my ears, the nose ring that almost pierced my nose, i wear his Dead Presidents tshirt and his studded belts and dog chains AND I give myself the most God awful fluorescent pink mohawk you can imagine..thinking I have made my point, I sent the pics to him...
Look at my mom...doesn't she look cool? it took me a week to get the pink out of my hair.. and this too did pass...kids
61-69, F
