I Live In a Dream World
Growing up, this was the only way to deal with the reality being faced. I was too oversensitive and empathetic to what I felt, a cold unfeeling place so I created my own world within which began the desire to write what I saw. It also furthered to fuel my social anxiety as trying to live in two different worlds at once is difficult, not to mention the number of betrayals and lies I faced over the years in reality.
Eventually, I learned that those betrayals and lies were because I was betraying and lying to myself. When I started to uncover these and faced them head on (with much complaining and thrashing about) they eventually began to disappear from reality altogether. This understanding then reflected itself in my illusionary world inside into a harmonious reality and eventually my life has become better balanced as a result. The core of both is the core of you, which must never be ignored.
Several "firmwares" have come and gone. The largest was dubbed "The Primmer" and lasted from 2001 to 2011. Worlds upon worlds were mapped out along with alien races and their traits and behaviors and technology. The plan was to write a story, but now I know the real reason was to use the world to live in to escape the real reality. It became so toxic from filtering negative experiences that it had to be abandoned.
I decided to start writing in the form of fanfiction. After 8 years this was successful and over 400,000 words in 4 books were written. However, the audience was not nearly as many as I hoped and I realized the story was a draft for the real novel. Enter now. This is the current novel that I am writing, which so far has been a blend between my originality and the plot followed in the fanfic, a hybrid. It has been slow but it is working. How else can people understand me unless I do this...
If I live outside, I'm hurt too much. If I live inside, I lose touch with reality. I must live in both and compromise, yet for others to understand I have to build the ultimate bridge between both illusions - the one I see and the universal one we all share.
Eventually, I learned that those betrayals and lies were because I was betraying and lying to myself. When I started to uncover these and faced them head on (with much complaining and thrashing about) they eventually began to disappear from reality altogether. This understanding then reflected itself in my illusionary world inside into a harmonious reality and eventually my life has become better balanced as a result. The core of both is the core of you, which must never be ignored.
Several "firmwares" have come and gone. The largest was dubbed "The Primmer" and lasted from 2001 to 2011. Worlds upon worlds were mapped out along with alien races and their traits and behaviors and technology. The plan was to write a story, but now I know the real reason was to use the world to live in to escape the real reality. It became so toxic from filtering negative experiences that it had to be abandoned.
I decided to start writing in the form of fanfiction. After 8 years this was successful and over 400,000 words in 4 books were written. However, the audience was not nearly as many as I hoped and I realized the story was a draft for the real novel. Enter now. This is the current novel that I am writing, which so far has been a blend between my originality and the plot followed in the fanfic, a hybrid. It has been slow but it is working. How else can people understand me unless I do this...
If I live outside, I'm hurt too much. If I live inside, I lose touch with reality. I must live in both and compromise, yet for others to understand I have to build the ultimate bridge between both illusions - the one I see and the universal one we all share.
