I Should Have Listened To My Intuition
SHIFTING TIME LINE?
Once, when I was in my 20s, I went to visit a California university campus with my live-in boyfriend who had a cousin on the faculty.
My boyfriend wanted to look up his cousin by himself first so I sat on campus nearby and waited. I waited for about an hour sitting in a pleasant little garden area near the smaller of the two campus theatres located in a small stone building. I saw from a sign that a play was to be performed there opening that night. I'd once read the play but had never considered seeing it performed.
As I sat there, the theatre door opened and three people, a girl and two guys walked out. One girl and one young guy walked onward out of the garden as the other young guy who was tall and blond carefully locked up the theatre. He turned to me and smiled and greeted me in a relaxed but very friendly manner.
He asked me, "Are you coming to see the play tonight?"
I told him that I was not a student there, but was only waiting for a friend who was visiting someone so I was not going to be there that evening.
As I spoke, I was filled with an overwhelming desire to see the play, or, more specifically, to stay on that campus and not leave when my boyfriend came back. It was as if something deep within my soul was calling out to me, telling me I had some sort of great opportunity awaiting me with this theatre, this young man and his friends, this situation. There were no sparks between me and this guy so that was not it. The play was not one I'd ever taken any real interest in. It was just a strong feeling that hit me like a lightening bolt that for some unknown but very important reason I should stay on this campus and see the play and talk to those people.
He said, "That's too bad. Try and come back later to see the play. It's a good play. Get back here if you can."
I said I'd try but didn't think it likely as I knew my friend and I were due for a dinner party with his cousins that night.
The blond guy smiled at me, waved and left. I sat there for about an hour overwhelmed with the completely irrational desire to stay.
I had no transportation of my own at the time, no place to live other than the VW van my boyfriend and I were traveling in.
If I told my boyfriend I wanted to stay, he might be willing to leave me there but I knew he would not pick me up again and I'd be stranded in a strange place where I knew no one without a car, a place to stay or more than a very few dollars.
It did not seem like a safe rational thing to do. And I knew that the sheer irrationality of it combined with a refusal to spend the evening with his cousins might spell the end of my relationship with my boyfriend although we were getting along OK.
So...I did not stay. I did the rational thing and waited for my boyfriend and left the campus.
The dinner with his cousins did not go well from my point of view although my boyfriend had a good time. His family had never much liked me.
I spent the evening wishing I had stayed, seen the play and talked to those people.
I have felt ever since that something wonderful awaited me in that situation, some huge change from my life which was filled with frustrations and suppressed depression and just plain bad luck. I think maybe I was being offered a trip to another time line, to a new and better life if I'd had the courage to take that scary leap. But I didn't.
Decades later, I can still see that little stone theatre, the garden, the sunny afternoon and that friendly blond guy smiling at me.
And I will never know what might have happened if I had stayed there.
Once, when I was in my 20s, I went to visit a California university campus with my live-in boyfriend who had a cousin on the faculty.
My boyfriend wanted to look up his cousin by himself first so I sat on campus nearby and waited. I waited for about an hour sitting in a pleasant little garden area near the smaller of the two campus theatres located in a small stone building. I saw from a sign that a play was to be performed there opening that night. I'd once read the play but had never considered seeing it performed.
As I sat there, the theatre door opened and three people, a girl and two guys walked out. One girl and one young guy walked onward out of the garden as the other young guy who was tall and blond carefully locked up the theatre. He turned to me and smiled and greeted me in a relaxed but very friendly manner.
He asked me, "Are you coming to see the play tonight?"
I told him that I was not a student there, but was only waiting for a friend who was visiting someone so I was not going to be there that evening.
As I spoke, I was filled with an overwhelming desire to see the play, or, more specifically, to stay on that campus and not leave when my boyfriend came back. It was as if something deep within my soul was calling out to me, telling me I had some sort of great opportunity awaiting me with this theatre, this young man and his friends, this situation. There were no sparks between me and this guy so that was not it. The play was not one I'd ever taken any real interest in. It was just a strong feeling that hit me like a lightening bolt that for some unknown but very important reason I should stay on this campus and see the play and talk to those people.
He said, "That's too bad. Try and come back later to see the play. It's a good play. Get back here if you can."
I said I'd try but didn't think it likely as I knew my friend and I were due for a dinner party with his cousins that night.
The blond guy smiled at me, waved and left. I sat there for about an hour overwhelmed with the completely irrational desire to stay.
I had no transportation of my own at the time, no place to live other than the VW van my boyfriend and I were traveling in.
If I told my boyfriend I wanted to stay, he might be willing to leave me there but I knew he would not pick me up again and I'd be stranded in a strange place where I knew no one without a car, a place to stay or more than a very few dollars.
It did not seem like a safe rational thing to do. And I knew that the sheer irrationality of it combined with a refusal to spend the evening with his cousins might spell the end of my relationship with my boyfriend although we were getting along OK.
So...I did not stay. I did the rational thing and waited for my boyfriend and left the campus.
The dinner with his cousins did not go well from my point of view although my boyfriend had a good time. His family had never much liked me.
I spent the evening wishing I had stayed, seen the play and talked to those people.
I have felt ever since that something wonderful awaited me in that situation, some huge change from my life which was filled with frustrations and suppressed depression and just plain bad luck. I think maybe I was being offered a trip to another time line, to a new and better life if I'd had the courage to take that scary leap. But I didn't.
Decades later, I can still see that little stone theatre, the garden, the sunny afternoon and that friendly blond guy smiling at me.
And I will never know what might have happened if I had stayed there.
70-79, F
