I Would Love To Write
I have always wondered why people kill themselves.. I could never fathom what could bring anyone to that ledge. I couldn’t understand. I just couldn’t. nor could I understand depression. It made no sense to me.. I mean, I has always been a happy go lucky person, laughing and jumping around.
But it all changed since July’15, I tasted what depression meant, what it truly entails. I also understood what suicidal is. I started sympathising with people I met here. I could see why somebody could be sad..
And now, I am both, depressed and suicidal. I have contemplated killing myself and the ways in past half hour.. I cant help it. I can barely function. I can barely think anything else. I went out with friends, tried to talk to them, vent.. dint help, it only become worse. I stood on the ledge of the balcony, looked down for a while, imagining the freedom of one small step forward. I am going crazy. Like psycho-ass crazy… I cant think straight. I tried doing everything I could, I cant tell anyone the situation I am in, nobody would understand.
They say its good to cry sometimes, tears wash our eyes so that we could see better, but after 24 hours of this, god! I can barely open my eyes, they are all swollen. I know what would make it right, but that’s not happening, I know who could help, but they wont. There is no way forward… If only I could end it all, but I don’t even have choice of dying.. I have nothing.. not even that..
But it all changed since July’15, I tasted what depression meant, what it truly entails. I also understood what suicidal is. I started sympathising with people I met here. I could see why somebody could be sad..
And now, I am both, depressed and suicidal. I have contemplated killing myself and the ways in past half hour.. I cant help it. I can barely function. I can barely think anything else. I went out with friends, tried to talk to them, vent.. dint help, it only become worse. I stood on the ledge of the balcony, looked down for a while, imagining the freedom of one small step forward. I am going crazy. Like psycho-ass crazy… I cant think straight. I tried doing everything I could, I cant tell anyone the situation I am in, nobody would understand.
They say its good to cry sometimes, tears wash our eyes so that we could see better, but after 24 hours of this, god! I can barely open my eyes, they are all swollen. I know what would make it right, but that’s not happening, I know who could help, but they wont. There is no way forward… If only I could end it all, but I don’t even have choice of dying.. I have nothing.. not even that..
31-35, F