I Would Love To Write

Another morbid entry. I spent my evening yesterday talking to my childhood friends, both of them are getting married next year. and both of them seem to be resigned more than ecstatic, while that shouldn't make me feel I am missing something, it does. they tell me there is no lovey dovey shit we expect, more like realism and practicality, in laws, arguments, and ignoring.

I have all those issues too, I do love a guy. one who would never even understand the depth of my feelings, let alone reciprocate. I know he cares in his own way, but sometimes I wish I had more. I know I would never.

to cap it, I am moving soon, changing the place I grew up. I wouldn't be seeing them as often or as easily as I do now. while they are planning the future, I am grappling to make a sense of mine. and its so bloody slippery. I dont see foresee anything like they have. and it scares me even more. they may not be happy, they might have few tiffs with their fiancè, while I might never even have one. and though they tell me all the fairy-tale stuff is lame and impossible, I see a certain magic in their lives that's missing in mine. why are we never happy with what we have?

I am not complaining, I just wish I knew what future has in store for me, career wise, if not everything. I need to get my mojo back! tomorrow is a new day..