I Would Love To Write

The weekend trip to beautiful place in HP. Nestled in the Himalayan foothills, this place is a treat! Beautiful valleys, and homes with slanted roofs. Victorian architecture from colonial period. Though it was a lot of travelling around and tiring, I would love to go back and spend some time there in leisure. There were too many things that hampered this trip, tears, bad mood, bad health and lack of sleep to name some. Though it was a memorable experience in all. I am going to write about the train journey back home, cz that’s when I resolved to write about it. I am going to attach a picture. Better than thousand words to describe the prettiness.

There is a narrow gauge train (called Toy Train) route from the place to the valley beyond the hills, from where we were to take another connected train back home. The railway is listed as the Mountain Railways of India World Heritage Site. We started our journey in the morning, about 10:30. And as the train started out of the station and into the mountains we were awed by the scenic beauty on both sides. All I wanted to do was to click pictures, capture that into media to as to share with people I know. But the train though slow, was faster than me, and the view would change, and then there was also bushes and shrubs obscuring the perfect view for the camera. You see, unlike my camera, I could see past it. It took me a while to realize the futility of trying to grasp pictures from a moving train. I decided, to sit down and just enjoy it, instead of trying to jump about clicking away. I sat down gazing out of the window for about two hours. And that when the journey started getting a little uncomfortable.
It was a long ride and the seats not so comfortable. The scenery was awesome, but it was repetitive. I wasn’t bored of the view, but of the uncomfy seating arrangement. There were few pit stops, and food vendors. But my thoughts started wandering. Something I really wanted not to happen. I wanted to focus on the moment, but as usual my mind has its own ideas. My thoughts took the usual cribby turn, and I started feeling lonely. I was with a couple of friends, and somehow was feeling like a third wheel, which was stupid. And then there was this couple sitting next to us, holding hands. All I could think was, this is indeed romantic, and something I would love to share with someone. In fact, I know who I want to share it with, and it is beyond impossible. He would be sharing that exact moment with somebody else, not me, never me. That was a sobering thought, which gave way to what is it I can do to stop dwelling on it. 6 hours of that, and then connecting train to home another 5 hours. And me, trying to gather my thoughts. I was tired beyond measure by the time I was home. And the whole purpose of the journey, down the drain.

So that right there was the gist of my whole journey, in fact my life as of now. It is in the same cycle as my toy train journey. Starts with a conscious effort to control my thoughts and enjoy myself, then slowly the doubts and fears start creeping in, then I mentally shrug myself, and decide to just calm myself and go with the flow. I start again, and on and on goes my days. Trying not to dwell on stuff and then dwelling and then scolding myself and then again back to square one.