I Don't Understand Love

How can you love someone so much and it all be one sided? You spend so much time with this one person and it not be enough. They say that they still love you or whatever but you know it's still all bulls**t. That none of it would be like this if what they actually said was true. The things you hear and see are not what could happen if that "love" was true. And then the bull of it's not real or it's something "different" You look at that stuff and YOU tell it's not what it seems. 5 years... 5 f**king years... of the "it's not like that" or "it's not what it seems" And after a while you start to realize that you can't blame him anymore and start to realize, that it's your own fault... for staying, and hoping that something would change. That you are the one who goes and looks trough things that weren't meant for your eyes. Like they say, "Ignorance is bliss" How happy would I be if I would have never known all the things I know? But at the same time, how ignorant would I be too. Thinking I felt something that would be a lie. It's terrifying to me actually. Just listening to all of those lies and believing something that wouldn't have been true.
Love is supposed to be something wonderful and one of the strongest things out there. But most of the times, I can't help but wonder the opposite.