I have to read this to my therapist tomorrow at my appointment :
I am very depressed. Asha Rangappa from CNN news commented on a post that I wrote to her about Hindus of India and what they did to me, and over a thousand people wrote under my comment that she retweeted and had commented by saying things like I was a jerk, that I was a psycho bot, and that I have mental illness, and they heavily praised Asha Rangappa for being a beautiful, kind person, and she still has her comment up there on Twitter, but my comment was erased because I deactivated Twitter, however, somebody snapshotted the comment I made and put in under her millions of comments of feedback that she got from the comment I wrote and what she commented on. Then I found that Twitter banned me and every username I create because Asha Rangappa and other tweeters had me reported over her. To this day, it bothers me what Asha Rangappa did, and my heart hurts so badly that it’s hard to sleep at night. Being that she kept my tweet there and hadn’t deleted it makes me feel like the whole world is against me...and people of all races, especially Black people, think my only alternate route is to take more medication and see my doctor more often, when I need other kinds of help too. I find that black people look at my situation and defy my pain. They lack understanding and they don’t consider me Black the way White people and Hindus of India do...I think that whenever I need feedback, it never goes my way and people are always telling me things I don’t need to hear and I figure that it’s because they are vindictive...
I feel like I’m not getting enough help and sometimes I feel that it’s because White people see me as Black, when indeed I am mixed with it. I feel like because I look mostly Black that I won’t get the help I need and I don’t think people, especially White people, no offense, are taking me seriously and have a habit of defying me because they see me as thoroughbred Black and not Indian, and not so much Caucasian even though I am mixed with it because it doesn’t show. I don’t like being mixed with Black, I think it’s actually unfortunate that I’m mixed with Black because even Black people don’t like me and even though my Father is mixed with very little Black, I took majority of that Black from him, yet my Father was so White that the Black guys at the YMCA, who liked him very much, called him the “white man that comes to the YMCA”, when my Father is mixed with both Black, but more Caucasian because he has blue eyes, pale skin, and soft curly hair.
