Human Being: Person that will talk about what they perceive with their senses in the past, present, or future in reference to whether they like it or not. Then they will talk about what they want. And last but not least, they tell you what to do or what you “should” do. When you say, look, and do what (how) they want they “love” you. When you don’t say, look, and do what (how) they want, to a degree they can tolerate, they curse you and ban you from their lives. —————————————————
This is my definition of what it is to be human. My definition of what it is to be in close proximity to another. My definition of myself. As much as I’ve tried to not get mad when someone doesn’t act like I want, or as much as I try to tell myself to not be so selfish and not label others negatively I still do. It’s sad because my goal in life is to deconstruct negative labels but also to write in complete honesty. You know how we curse people in our head because we feel unappreciated after all our efforts and whatnot, that is one of the hardest things to get out of the habit of doing, very hard. I suppose everything takes practice and the first step is to notice it to then take action about it. Money brings a level of uncertainty and fear, fear if you don’t have it, fear if you can’t survive. This is a life of selling something and of conditioning someone to be pleasing to majority. I never wanted to talk to a person to sell them something, or to tell them what to do. I never wanted to be someone who gets mad at someone not interpreting my actions as I would like them to be interpreted. I can’t change my core instincts, I can’t change reality. I can’t just make everyone be friends, get along, and appreciate each other. I can’t even make myself do that when my desires are contradicted. My only small loophole is that I can at least write it and express it. And maybe, just maybe in being honest someone feels less lost or less alone in their struggles. And then I suppose that would be my small contribution to so much that is out of my hands.
