I Was the Other Woman
[b]The Aftermath of a Broken Relationship[/b]
I'm scared, I'm having second thoughts. Is this right? Why am taking that step in fear...? I'm scared, I'm scared.... Why do I do this to myself? Why do you let guilt overwhelm you so much? You declare your love for him, he doesn't believe it, so I had to exchange something in order to give him a security blanket. In order for him to give me that credit to start over this "game". Only this time, if I lose, the consequences are grave.
What do you want? Do you want to escape from him? But you said you wanted him. You said you loved him. Why are you forcing it? Why are you trying to force yourself to love him? You actually do want to try. But your insecurities are creeping in regarding the future. Will you hit me again? Can I trust you? Not to hit me ever again...? I'm scared... I'm scared... I want to see him as a life partner... But my trust that he'll be a good partner is wavering. My mum asks me what I see in him. I don't know. He treated me well. But he has the tendency to call names and subtly abuse.
I'm afraid of being emotionally and physically abused. I'm at the edge of my sanity... I don't want to do this, I don't want to be threatened. I'm scared. I want him to love me, but not like this. I'm upset that I destroyed everything I had with him, the trust that he held so dear. I felt guilty.
I wanted to go back to the old days, his gentle smiling face that always caters to me. When he's upset, I can only comfort him through the screen or give him a hug, until we can meet again. Maybe a post on social media to show that he matters. But I don't know if I'm making the wrong choice.
Why are you afraid? Why are you uncertain? You declared your love so strongly and promised to cut ties with the others.
You did, but you are ever fearful of screwing it up with a lie you never intent. He'll chide you for it, and you can only lower your head but to do better. Do you like being dominated? Do you like cowering in fear without knowing what you have done wrong?
Do you like living in fear for the hopes of reclaiming someone's close to dead love for you? The problem is, your heart isn't sure. Your heart isn't sure he's the one, because the damage that he inflicted to your face. But wrong doings must be atoned, it's okay.
But that hit makes you unsure whether he'll do it again, whether this toxicity will continue to breed. Do you have that little trust? He trusted you so much and you can only choose to return this much trust back?
I want to run away from everything, but my body and feelings won't let me. I'm overwhelmed with a blind fury of desire, for him not to leave my side. Give me a chance to make things right and love you again, she says. But her stance is crumbling ever slowly. Nothing good is going to come out of this if you aren't willing. Stop being blinded, stop trying to please everyone. Face it, dear child.
You can't keep everyone close to heart. Some people are bound to get off the train. When it's their stop, they really need to alight. Let him go. He wants to be happy, let him go. If you can't do what you say you'll set out to do, let him go. For his happiness and sanity. Stop being so selfish... You'll kill him. He's been through a lot, multiple times. If you want to be a saint that stops this cycle, you jolly well be sure that you want to devote to him for the rest of his life. Wait... are you pitying him? Are you feeling sympathy for him? Do you think that feeling can last and bring you to greater heights?
You wanted to prove to everyone that you are no longer a liar, you are changed person. You want him to be the first one to see that change. You want him to acknowledge how sorry you are and forgive you. But when that's done, are you ready to love him for life? Are you ready to take responsibility for your actions? To love him till death til us part? You may not be married to him yet. But if you choose to go down this path, marriage will definitely be on the table.
I know that you used to love him so much, that you envision a future with him. This could happen again, that's for sure. He's such a sweetheart in his own way. Sometimes he's more of a father figure than a lover, for he is 13 years older, his experiences and torment has been far greater. You bring youth and joy into his heart, you make him feel young again. But you also wrecked that.
You can definitely fix it with time and dedication. But the main question is, are you willing? Are you willing to devote your life solely to him? He promised that he will return the favour ten-fold of what others done. Okay that's my exaggeration, but he'll set out to treat others right if they do the same to him. If you want to love him, you can do that right? He can actually be a good soul, I trust that he is. I know that he is, I love him to know that he has a good heart, just a little broken inside that causes a warped behaviour in this relationship. I want to heal him, I don't want to see him like this. I want to do better for him.
You tied your loose ends, you're supposed to let go of that permanently. Stop wavering. The fool that brought us pain keeps on popping back in, hoping that he'll eventually get through to me. Indeed he's more compatible, a healthier relationship may occur with such chemistry. But joke's on you, marriage. Forget him. Stop chasing after a rainbow. It can come to fruition, but really? You have been selfish enough. You always wanted to chase after your own happiness. Stop.
Go back to where everything has gone wrong. Your decisions and actions made weighs a magnitude. Think carefully. Stop backing out. Stop second guessing. If you made a decision or choice, you stick with it. Stop moving. What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them? What are words if they're only for good times then they're torn? If you want to be reliable, be a woman and stick to your choices.
Where's your unshakeable faith for him? Show it to me. If you want to be a saint to his life, stick to it. If you want to show him that you are willing to change, stick to it. If you want him to accept your mistakes that unfortunately comes with a consequence, stick to it. Stop wavering. Strengthen your stance.
However, some food for thought, my little one. If you weren't in doubt or in a dilemma, you wouldn't be here. Your stance is weak. You use writing and reflection as a medium to vent your fears, so that you can survive another day of torment; An outlet you continue to go back to, time after time.
Mark my words, you may be at peace with your mind now, but deep inside, you're unhappy.
I'm scared, I'm having second thoughts. Is this right? Why am taking that step in fear...? I'm scared, I'm scared.... Why do I do this to myself? Why do you let guilt overwhelm you so much? You declare your love for him, he doesn't believe it, so I had to exchange something in order to give him a security blanket. In order for him to give me that credit to start over this "game". Only this time, if I lose, the consequences are grave.
What do you want? Do you want to escape from him? But you said you wanted him. You said you loved him. Why are you forcing it? Why are you trying to force yourself to love him? You actually do want to try. But your insecurities are creeping in regarding the future. Will you hit me again? Can I trust you? Not to hit me ever again...? I'm scared... I'm scared... I want to see him as a life partner... But my trust that he'll be a good partner is wavering. My mum asks me what I see in him. I don't know. He treated me well. But he has the tendency to call names and subtly abuse.
I'm afraid of being emotionally and physically abused. I'm at the edge of my sanity... I don't want to do this, I don't want to be threatened. I'm scared. I want him to love me, but not like this. I'm upset that I destroyed everything I had with him, the trust that he held so dear. I felt guilty.
I wanted to go back to the old days, his gentle smiling face that always caters to me. When he's upset, I can only comfort him through the screen or give him a hug, until we can meet again. Maybe a post on social media to show that he matters. But I don't know if I'm making the wrong choice.
Why are you afraid? Why are you uncertain? You declared your love so strongly and promised to cut ties with the others.
You did, but you are ever fearful of screwing it up with a lie you never intent. He'll chide you for it, and you can only lower your head but to do better. Do you like being dominated? Do you like cowering in fear without knowing what you have done wrong?
Do you like living in fear for the hopes of reclaiming someone's close to dead love for you? The problem is, your heart isn't sure. Your heart isn't sure he's the one, because the damage that he inflicted to your face. But wrong doings must be atoned, it's okay.
But that hit makes you unsure whether he'll do it again, whether this toxicity will continue to breed. Do you have that little trust? He trusted you so much and you can only choose to return this much trust back?
I want to run away from everything, but my body and feelings won't let me. I'm overwhelmed with a blind fury of desire, for him not to leave my side. Give me a chance to make things right and love you again, she says. But her stance is crumbling ever slowly. Nothing good is going to come out of this if you aren't willing. Stop being blinded, stop trying to please everyone. Face it, dear child.
You can't keep everyone close to heart. Some people are bound to get off the train. When it's their stop, they really need to alight. Let him go. He wants to be happy, let him go. If you can't do what you say you'll set out to do, let him go. For his happiness and sanity. Stop being so selfish... You'll kill him. He's been through a lot, multiple times. If you want to be a saint that stops this cycle, you jolly well be sure that you want to devote to him for the rest of his life. Wait... are you pitying him? Are you feeling sympathy for him? Do you think that feeling can last and bring you to greater heights?
You wanted to prove to everyone that you are no longer a liar, you are changed person. You want him to be the first one to see that change. You want him to acknowledge how sorry you are and forgive you. But when that's done, are you ready to love him for life? Are you ready to take responsibility for your actions? To love him till death til us part? You may not be married to him yet. But if you choose to go down this path, marriage will definitely be on the table.
I know that you used to love him so much, that you envision a future with him. This could happen again, that's for sure. He's such a sweetheart in his own way. Sometimes he's more of a father figure than a lover, for he is 13 years older, his experiences and torment has been far greater. You bring youth and joy into his heart, you make him feel young again. But you also wrecked that.
You can definitely fix it with time and dedication. But the main question is, are you willing? Are you willing to devote your life solely to him? He promised that he will return the favour ten-fold of what others done. Okay that's my exaggeration, but he'll set out to treat others right if they do the same to him. If you want to love him, you can do that right? He can actually be a good soul, I trust that he is. I know that he is, I love him to know that he has a good heart, just a little broken inside that causes a warped behaviour in this relationship. I want to heal him, I don't want to see him like this. I want to do better for him.
You tied your loose ends, you're supposed to let go of that permanently. Stop wavering. The fool that brought us pain keeps on popping back in, hoping that he'll eventually get through to me. Indeed he's more compatible, a healthier relationship may occur with such chemistry. But joke's on you, marriage. Forget him. Stop chasing after a rainbow. It can come to fruition, but really? You have been selfish enough. You always wanted to chase after your own happiness. Stop.
Go back to where everything has gone wrong. Your decisions and actions made weighs a magnitude. Think carefully. Stop backing out. Stop second guessing. If you made a decision or choice, you stick with it. Stop moving. What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them? What are words if they're only for good times then they're torn? If you want to be reliable, be a woman and stick to your choices.
Where's your unshakeable faith for him? Show it to me. If you want to be a saint to his life, stick to it. If you want to show him that you are willing to change, stick to it. If you want him to accept your mistakes that unfortunately comes with a consequence, stick to it. Stop wavering. Strengthen your stance.
However, some food for thought, my little one. If you weren't in doubt or in a dilemma, you wouldn't be here. Your stance is weak. You use writing and reflection as a medium to vent your fears, so that you can survive another day of torment; An outlet you continue to go back to, time after time.
Mark my words, you may be at peace with your mind now, but deep inside, you're unhappy.
