I Know Everyone Is Different, And Has Different Opinions

[big]Everyone is Different[/big]

Journal Entry |
In the military you are at some point taught how to lead. Unfortunately, this can't be taught in a traditional sense and even those who successfully graduate the training may not be able to lead though they know the theory..

Leadership is an art and while science can be applied and leveraged, because everyone is so dramatically different very little holds true from person to person.
So I see all of these "how to do X to your sub" posts and almost all of them are contradictory to each other if not themselves and very little to none are based on good science or logic. Flawed or incomplete logic yes, incomplete understanding of the science you're quoting yes, and amalgamations of other posts or simply reposts to be sure. The problem is incomplete research. People find one or two posts on the same subject and take it as holy doctrine without seeking a more complete understanding of the topic.
There are three universal constants, everything freezes, everything burns, and every human is dramatically different from another..

Instead of seeking to apply labels, categorize, and count, just play, enjoy, and communicate. A top can't top "correctly" unless he has enough information. Subs, don't be stoic. Wear abandonment and communicate. Make noise, wiggle, squirm, and tell me that it hurts so good or that it's not working..

You don't have to prove that you're strong enough to take it, you don't have to pretend that it's good for you. I get off on success and real success is so much better than perceived.
Tell me, communicate, teach me your body, and let me learn you. This is the core of submission; trust and honest communication. Submission isn't allowing me to beat on you, it's trusting that I know you well enough that I can give you what you need (which sometimes includes beating on you). The thing is that we can't get there if you hold back or are dishonest (lying includes any omission of total truth)..

My sub and I had a failed scene last night. We tried something new and it didn't work. She tried to bear with it though and I misread her actions. I was flogging her (poorly, I'm new) and about the time I expected her to get into the edge of subspace her body relaxed. Any top will tell you that when the body relaxes under pressure, they've had an endorphin dump. About 15 minutes later she finally told me that she was exhausted and that it wasn't working. Before she called the scene she didn't give me any feedback other than some really pleasant moans that I vocally praised and a few hisses of too much pain (where i wrapped the falls). I consistently asked her how she was doing or how it felt... "Fine" or "good..." what am I supposed to do with that?

We then had an honest conversation (which included her trying to make me feel better even though i know I'm going to screw up and I own it) that resulted in better understanding and tonight we'll try again.
I love my sub dearly and will continue to work to make it great for her and for me, we're getting close and it will be great once we've got the basics down but we aren't going to find some magic formula that is going to guarantee subspace from the posts here. We have to experiment, succeed, fail, and learn and for the most part we have to do that alone or under guidance from people with massive experience.
Everyone is different, we are no exception..

"Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend." --Bruce Lee

~Master~