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Struggles & Identity

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How much can you take before you break?

Some people break early. Some never do. What's the difference?

This girl at my school was raped for over a year by her uncle when she was in 4th grade. She's so broken she can barely get through a day.

But there's a boy who has cancer and almost died, and he is always smiling and trying new things.

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F Best Comment

Probably one of the best questions I've seen asked on SW ever. I think when life throws adversity at us, we are faced with a choice. I actually don't like your two examples much (rape vs cancer) because these are very different things to deal with emotionally, physically, psychologically, sociologically, etc.

But I think your bigger question is why do people react so differently when faced with adversity. Why do some choose to stand up and push through and others get so beaten down. Surely, a big factor is the type of assault. In your question, you mentioned cancer. Cancer is certainly an enormous physical assault typically tearing apart a person's body from the inside, but it is not a sociological assault. Quite the contrary, family and friends typically rally around cancer patients. Rape is a very different kind of assault and while the immediate physical act might not do damage to the extent of a full blown stage 4 cancer, it does assault the victim in so many more ways.

There are many other factors that go into how we react to adversity. Certainly our prior life experience, our belief system, our support systems, all of these and more go into it.

As for your friend in school... She may be damaged, but she is not broken. Please give her a hug from me. And maybe another one tomorrow. And the next day. Be kind to her. Make her feel human.

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sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Giaalexer Yes?

Giaalexer · 26-30, F

@sarabee1995 about your answer it was amazing

sarabee1995 · 26-30, F

@Giaalexer Oh, thank you!

thinkbigaboutlife · F

that's like comparing apples and oranges.

rape - it's an attack! it's shame, it's painful physically/psychologically/mentaly/emotionaly, it's usually secret, if it's shared, then you are still filled with guilt, and need therapy to overcome that...

cancer - It's not an attack from someone! you have your family to help you get through it, and it makes you value life that much more. Result: you smile more, because you learn not to take life for granted.

Rape does not make you appreciate life more. It destroys you from the inside.

I hope that clarifies for you why it's like comparing apples and oranges.

Nat15 · F

@thinkbigaboutlife I understand what you're saying.. You describe it very well, and I agree a little bit.

But I've seen cancer patients just give up. I've seen rape victims who bounce back and become amazing people.

I'm just wondering what there is inside those people who bounce back...who thrive in spite of the pain.

thinkbigaboutlife · F

ok, to that, I will answer this: Sometimes people go through so much crap in their life, that being raped did not destroy them because they can compare it to other stuff they went through and 'survived'and became stronger... So their self-talk is sounding more like "I have been through A,B, and C, and I am sure I can bounce back from this attack/rape also. Also could be because they have the support needed....

Some cancer victims maybe are just giving up because they don't have the support, or maybe are angry with God because it makes them more bitter with God (many blame their problems on God, but their good fortune on themselves - funny how some think) and the world, since in their mind, they don't deserve it, or had plans for other fun stuff but now can't, etc, and so they 'rebel'... by giving up.

I think bottom line is this: if someone has a loving spouse or family/friends, they can get back on their feet much easier and faster, than if they have to spend every obstacle alone, or carry a secret - which becomes a burden. But a burden shared is halved.

Having faith helps too.

Nat15 · F

@thinkbigaboutlife I think I agree with all of that. Thanks for a thoughtful reply. :)

Wiseacre · F

I guess a rape is very different from a cancer diagnosis...rape is a violent act from someone...cancer is an act from nature.

SW-User

Personal resilience is different for everyone. You can never really know how a person will react to any kind of adversity.

Nat15 · F

@SW-User I guess that's true. I'm always amazed at how easily some people give up. I'm also amazed at how hard some people fight.

I'm probably somewhere in the middle, and I guess that's why both extremes amaze me.

SW-User

Not much. I've never had much of a breaking point. I'm just sensitive and hurt all the time.

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Nat15 · F

@SW-User you shouldn't have to be used to it. :/ *hug*

SW-User

@Nat15 It's just the way I am. 🤗

Nat15 · F

@SW-User I like the way you are. 🤗

Socialclutz · 36-40, M

Rape is traumatic experience followed by years of therapy, cancer is initially a traumatic experience but accompanied by family support in most cases

Nat15 · F

@Socialclutz I understand that but I was just sung them as examples of how people face adversity in different ways.

Socialclutz · 36-40, M

They're different forms of adversity

TheProphet · M

Some people are weak, some are strong. I'm a strong person.

Nat15 · F

@TheProphet Some are strong about some things and weak about others.

Giaalexer · 26-30, F

Why your so wise according to your age ☺

Nat15 · F

@Giaalexer I don't feel very wise at all.

Giaalexer · 26-30, F

@Nat15 what are you feeling about yourself

SW-User

One is a victim, the other is not?

Nat15 · F

But some rape victims don't act like victims. Some cancer victims fight, fight, fight. @SW-User

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