I Have Survived Heartbreak

I sometimes wonder how people could be so heartless towards others.

This is a story of how my heart got broken more than it already was.

2018 - August
I was head over heels for *Skittles*
We were in love & felt inseparable until religion became a big issue between us.
After a year & 2 months of being together we split up.

Things became so difficult for me, I relied on Skittles so much, he was apart of my everyday... We watched movies together, ate together, spent the whoke day together & did so much more... The worst part was he was my shoulder to cry on & now I had no one.
He wasn't just my boyfriend
He was my best friend.
I was heartbroken, I was shattered.

2018 - November
I start talking to an old friend from church. *Ever ready*
He starts calling everyday, texting all the time & made mention of having more than a friendship with me.
As time went on he became persistent & said he wasn't going to give me space or time because he was afraid someone else would snatch me away.

My main concern was my heart getting broken again. I just couldn't afford that.
My mum & sister told me I was being unfair to him by stringing him along & I should give it a try.
So I did.

The first week was good.

The second week was not.
I've been going through some problems at home so I tried talking to him about it. He wouldn't hear me out. I cried myself to sleep so many nights because I couldn't talk to anyone.

The third week got worse
My dad was on drugs. He started selling stuff from his car (expensive sound system & customized stuff) he became verbally abusive toward us.
I felt a bit awkward telling my new boyfriend about my dad being on drugs so I asked if he could come home so we could talk.
He said okay he will.

Week 4
Things are still intense at home.
He never came home.
He never called anymore
Never texted often
Never checked up on me
Not even a simple how are you feeling.

So here I was again. Crying every night because of my situation at home & my uncaring boyfriend.
We broke up on a Sunday afternoon.

On a Wednesday... Here I am lying in my bed, feeling upset because my dad is yelling at my mum In another room.
I get a text message from a girl asking if I knew *Ever ready* & starts harrasing me.
She tells me she is his girlfriend & have always been his girlfriend.
She kept calling me names. Names you call people to make them feel bad.

Like how you would say "hun" or "love" to someone you hate

She said stuff to me like " he only pitied you"

The thing I don't understand is why would you be rude to someone?
Why is it so hard to speak nicely?
I feel that you should always speak nicely to someone because you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
I always think that others could be at the edge of suicide without us knowing & if we are rude to them we could be the ones pushing them over.
Just be nice to everyone.

I was so broken at this point.
My hands were shaking, I didn't know what I was feeling anymore. Without moving tears were rolling down. I kept questioning myself.
I obviously felt like I was not enough.
What hurt more was that exactly 2 years ago in December I was sitting in the same spot crying over another guy that cheated on me. So 2 guys cheated on me. Made me feel like crap.

So much was going on I stayed up all night crying & questioning everything.
I fell asleep for 15 minutes & it was time to wake up again.
I told my mum & sister about it.
They could see how broken I was. I broke down in a parking lot when my mum tried to talk to me about it.
Nothing was the same.


It was like I built up walls after *skittles*, I dropped them down for *ever ready*
& I ended up hurting myself.

The lesson I learned here was if you're not ready to move on, don't.
Heal yourself first before getting into situations that would hurt you.
In 2019 Put yourself first.
You matter
Your feelings matter
Your priority should be yourself.

Learn to love yourself first.