I Long For Intimate Companionship
I have dated a few girls this year, the first one, I tried to force myself to fall for her since she was interested in me for ages. However, she was odd and "cold". When I say cold, I don't mean she was cruel but there was just no emotion or affection. After a month or so when I tried to become intimate with her, there was nothing there so I left it and never really spoke to her again. It may have been a cruel thing to do on my part but I just couldn't carry on with her.
And then, of course, there was Kayleigh (read my other story about heartbreak). Kayleigh the manipulator, the toxic sociopath and narcissist who led me on the months, used me to get validation and then cruelly dumped me like I never mattered. I suffered for weeks, a painful heartbreak that I had never experienced before. My attempts to salvage some kind of friendship were rejected but I eventually got over her when I met Toni.
I met Toni as a result of trying to get help for the depression that was caused by Kayleigh. It was a mental health support group and Toni was there for her anxiety. At first glance, I felt attracted to Toni but I couldn't tell if she felt the same. We didn't really interact much at the support groups but then a week later, she messaged me on Facebook and sent a friend request. She innocently apologised for what she feared would be potentially weird, but I told her not to worry and was happy to become friends. We then spent the next few days chatting and the replies were long and detailed. She was definitely interested in me, it was obvious.
Eventually, we ended up meeting up and hanging out. We had a lot in common and a lot to talk about with similar interests and favourite TV shows. We spent the whole afternoon together and so I invited her out to my friend's birthday gathering at the end of the week and she accepted my invitation. Yep, Friday came around and we both drank a lot and at the end of the evening, I found myself back at her's and in her bed. However, this time (unlike Kayleigh) there was no regret or excuses to get away from each other. When we woke up in the morning, we spooned for a few hours and then at noon I said I was going to go out and grab a coffee. I didn't expect her to come with me but she said she would and so we spent the rest of the afternoon talking about us and the future.
I had fallen for her and Kayleigh suddenly became a distant memory. Toni told me that she had noticed me a few months back when she came into my place of work and apparently she had told her friends about the beautiful guy (me) who worked at the cafe. I asked her if she would like to continue seeing me and she seemed really enthusiastic about this. I said I liked her and she said she liked me. We went for another date the next day and ended the night just watching Netflix at her place. We went out again a few days later and everything felt perfect but I still had that nagging doubt in the back of my mind that this was too good to be true...And I was right.
When I woke up the next day, I had received a rather long message from Toni which she had sent in the early hours while I was still sleeping. She basically said how she liked me and honestly wanted to get to know me more but she had a lot of things going on in her mind (remember, she had problems with anxiety). She didn't want me to get too comfortable with her and for me to end up getting hurt and confused in a few months time. She said it was honestly nothing to do with me but it had been on her mind and had to tell me. She did say she enjoyed talking to me and spending time with me so said she still wanted to be friends.
This confused the hell out of me but I didn't feel as bad as I had done when Kayleigh ended things with me. Come on though, Toni...It obviously was me. Stop trying to spare yourself the guilt. You thought you liked me but just lost interest as you got to know me so you took the easy way out. First impressions can be misleading, an illusion of perfection. I don't even think she was being honest when she offered to still be friends. These days, when we talk on Facebook, it's me initiating the conversations (it was used to always her) and the replies are getting shorter, sometimes taking hours to come. Why do I even bother?
Next girl?
And then, of course, there was Kayleigh (read my other story about heartbreak). Kayleigh the manipulator, the toxic sociopath and narcissist who led me on the months, used me to get validation and then cruelly dumped me like I never mattered. I suffered for weeks, a painful heartbreak that I had never experienced before. My attempts to salvage some kind of friendship were rejected but I eventually got over her when I met Toni.
I met Toni as a result of trying to get help for the depression that was caused by Kayleigh. It was a mental health support group and Toni was there for her anxiety. At first glance, I felt attracted to Toni but I couldn't tell if she felt the same. We didn't really interact much at the support groups but then a week later, she messaged me on Facebook and sent a friend request. She innocently apologised for what she feared would be potentially weird, but I told her not to worry and was happy to become friends. We then spent the next few days chatting and the replies were long and detailed. She was definitely interested in me, it was obvious.
Eventually, we ended up meeting up and hanging out. We had a lot in common and a lot to talk about with similar interests and favourite TV shows. We spent the whole afternoon together and so I invited her out to my friend's birthday gathering at the end of the week and she accepted my invitation. Yep, Friday came around and we both drank a lot and at the end of the evening, I found myself back at her's and in her bed. However, this time (unlike Kayleigh) there was no regret or excuses to get away from each other. When we woke up in the morning, we spooned for a few hours and then at noon I said I was going to go out and grab a coffee. I didn't expect her to come with me but she said she would and so we spent the rest of the afternoon talking about us and the future.
I had fallen for her and Kayleigh suddenly became a distant memory. Toni told me that she had noticed me a few months back when she came into my place of work and apparently she had told her friends about the beautiful guy (me) who worked at the cafe. I asked her if she would like to continue seeing me and she seemed really enthusiastic about this. I said I liked her and she said she liked me. We went for another date the next day and ended the night just watching Netflix at her place. We went out again a few days later and everything felt perfect but I still had that nagging doubt in the back of my mind that this was too good to be true...And I was right.
When I woke up the next day, I had received a rather long message from Toni which she had sent in the early hours while I was still sleeping. She basically said how she liked me and honestly wanted to get to know me more but she had a lot of things going on in her mind (remember, she had problems with anxiety). She didn't want me to get too comfortable with her and for me to end up getting hurt and confused in a few months time. She said it was honestly nothing to do with me but it had been on her mind and had to tell me. She did say she enjoyed talking to me and spending time with me so said she still wanted to be friends.
This confused the hell out of me but I didn't feel as bad as I had done when Kayleigh ended things with me. Come on though, Toni...It obviously was me. Stop trying to spare yourself the guilt. You thought you liked me but just lost interest as you got to know me so you took the easy way out. First impressions can be misleading, an illusion of perfection. I don't even think she was being honest when she offered to still be friends. These days, when we talk on Facebook, it's me initiating the conversations (it was used to always her) and the replies are getting shorter, sometimes taking hours to come. Why do I even bother?
Next girl?
31-35, M