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I Am A Strict Mom

There was an incident recently here that I had to smile about knowing how my daughter was thinking.

My youngest was at the public pool here with us recently and it was fairly busy that afternoon. She being 8 probably thought she was being very quiet when she and her friend were talking but I could overhear pretty easily as it turns out.

They were discussing getting a snack and my youngest was a bit uneasy at doing it because her friend had some money she couldn't explain where it came from (turns out it was "borrowed" from mom's purse") and to top it off they were going to get some sweets that my youngest knew she needs to ask permission to get.

You could see the inner turmoil between wanting to get something nice and enjoy it with her friend and the worry about what would happen if she was caught. Sadly though her 8 year old willpower is not that strong and she went along with the plan.

I wonder if she will try that kind of thing next time or if she has learned for good this time?

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beckychandler · F

I suspect that will probably be the last time --she knew it was wrong to begin with --fortunately her Mom got wind of it and was able to reinforce that. I assume she also knows why it is wrong besides if she gets caught she gets a sore bottom. But I am sure that was reinforced. One thing anti-spankers don't understand is that spanking create a teaching moment that would not otherwise exist where a child's moral reason can grow. this is a good example from my Mom experience: https://similarworlds.com/7565041-I-Am-a-Mother/609752-A-while-back-I-was-on-a-road-trip-with-my-sister-m

One issue that comes up in a situation like this is even if they don't participate in the wrongdoing (as yours did) whether the child has a duty to report and if they report it to their own parent whether that parent should tell the thief's parent. And whether the child should be punished if they know about the theft but they don't tell . My answer is yes on all those questions. There was a double reason why your child deserved an especially sound spanking!

I hope she has learned!

Kathryn05 · 41-45, F

@beckychandler: Yes I hope it's the last time too. She knew it was wrong because she had been told and understood what would happen to her butt if she stole and went against my wishes but I'm sure she figured it wasn't her mom's money this time so why not? Still like I said she was conflicted and only the cajoling of her friend led her down that path.

You are so very right about the teaching moments though Becky! We had a very long mommy/daughter chat after I spanked her and she clearly understood that it was not a good idea to steal and get candy when not told you could even if you weren't the only who stole or bought the candy.

I'm with you here as well Becky and even if she didn't participate in the initial misbehavior nor did she actually buy the candy by not telling me or another adult she is complicit in the misbehavior. All children have a duty to report if they know a friend or sibling is misbehaving and if they don't they are just as complicit in the naughtiness! So yes of course they should be punished for it too.

We shall see if she learned or not

beckychandler · F

@Kathryn05: With an eight year old I think the only appropriate punishment for misbehavior like this is a spanking. The way I would have handled a situation where there is a double reason for the punishment is spanked for a while and then stopped and gotten the child up on their feet and told them that was for going along with spending the stolen money and eating the candy and this is for not reporting the theft to me and then put them back over my knee. I have done that when they lied about doing the misbehavior. Did you add any additional punishment – like no TV for a week, etc.? I might have.

Kathryn05 · 41-45, F

@beckychandler: I agree Becky at that age the only thing that will really send the message home is a spanking and sore bottom. I like your solution and will maybe use that next time. What I did was take her to our van and spank her there for breaking the family rules about asking for sweets and I told her at home we'd deal with her lying and being sneaking with her friend. At home she was spanked for that. I think that gets at the spirt of your idea.

She had extra chores for a week and was grounded.

beckychandler · F

@Kathryn05: Perhaps even better

Kathryn05 · 41-45, F

@beckychandler: Thank you Becky. The point was she knows both things were disobedient and both were punished for

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