i'm not okay and i don't know how to fix it
it's been years. it has gotten worse. i manage my duties, but the rewards and respite have begun to feel less satisfying. i feel bad. i want to be alone. i don't want anyone to see me. i fantasize about waking to an empty world.
i feel muddy and teary.
i may stand still and stare at things. beautiful things. i don't want to share it with anyone.
i want to be alone. no voices. no birdsong. just the wind. i want to be blown to dust. or disappear without a trace. i'll rest for a while and stare at the sky, no thoughts.
i feel inconsolable.
when i can finally go, then i'll see. i'm stuck at least 10 years still.
the pleasure of company, of visiting new places, of food and entertainment. i feel detached. confused. angry. sad.
i guess it all started in school. i was thirteen. my life turned upside down. i've never been the same. i switched up things in high school, but things weren't the same. i didn't feel the same. i could not adapt. and this is the result.
i've tried. you could say i'm in a good place. i don't believe i can be helped. i believe i can only distract myself and enjoy the little things. try not to take life too seriously.
i feel muddy and teary.
i may stand still and stare at things. beautiful things. i don't want to share it with anyone.
i want to be alone. no voices. no birdsong. just the wind. i want to be blown to dust. or disappear without a trace. i'll rest for a while and stare at the sky, no thoughts.
i feel inconsolable.
when i can finally go, then i'll see. i'm stuck at least 10 years still.
the pleasure of company, of visiting new places, of food and entertainment. i feel detached. confused. angry. sad.
i guess it all started in school. i was thirteen. my life turned upside down. i've never been the same. i switched up things in high school, but things weren't the same. i didn't feel the same. i could not adapt. and this is the result.
i've tried. you could say i'm in a good place. i don't believe i can be helped. i believe i can only distract myself and enjoy the little things. try not to take life too seriously.
