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I Have Been to Therapy

So I had been going to therapy, today would've been the third day if I didn't ask to leave.. I just feel like it wasn't working.
We'd sit there in silence if I wasn't talking, she didn't even ask me questions to get me to talk.. she expects me to march in that office and pour my life out to her and I can't. I suffer from social anxiety, I have to have engaging conversations to feel comfortable.. and honestly at certain points I felt like I made her uncomfortable when opening up about my sexuality and stuff I remembered doing as a kid.
I started to believe she just wanted the easy money and she was okay with not talking, which pisses me off since I work hard for my money to be wasting it on that bullshit.
But now I feel worse, I remember in the first session when she asked me about the self harming and asked if I had thoughts about doing it anymore, I told her no, but now I do. After leaving that office my whole mood shifted, I felt not cared about.. she just let me walk away and she's supposed to be my therapist? Does that mean she sees nothing wrong with me as well?

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firefall · 61-69, M

There are, sadly, a lot of shit therapists out there, either from indolence or incompetence. I can only urge you to try someone else, because there are good, even great, ones around, too.

StonerGirl69 · 26-30, F

@firefall: I just thought it would be so much different than that, I thought I could talk to them like anyone else and they'd just help with input, but this therapist literally just sat there and said nothing. She didn't mind sitting in silence, but I did so I asked to leave when I had nothing more to say.

firefall · 61-69, M

@Kels97: Yes, I encountered a couple like that, one in the UK and one in Arkansas; but that's not how it has to be. I guess it depends on what school of psychiatry they follow, but the effectiveness has always seemed to me, to rest on how they engage with you, and establish trust so you do feel you can open up completely. As Nunos says, the primary benefit of therapy seems to be about what you bring out of yourself, but that still needs direction and input from them, and a solid sense of their care and love, to be able to trust them enough.

I can recommend really good ones in Little Rock & Tampa, if that's relevant (which it almost certainly isn't, of course)

StonerGirl69 · 26-30, F

@firefall: lol I'm from Michigan or else I'd take those recommendations. I've been looking around for other types of therapy, but I almost feel as if going back to that therapist could help in a sense of knowing how I snap now. She's seen both sides of me, it could make it easier? Her knowing how hard it is for me to be there, maybe she'll engage more? But idk.. I'm really confused right now.

firefall · 61-69, M

@Kels97: it might well be worthwhile, if you can say to her that you need more input from her, and she's willing to modify her approach to fit your needs better. At least you have a baseline of trust with her.