I Need Advice

I need advice, mainly from the parents of similar worlds. So I'm seeing someone, but he's 5 years older than me, my parents hate him but they haven't even met him.. He works, well, [i]worked[/i] with me, until he walked out after chef called him out on something he didn't do. I'll stay the night at his place sometimes, and he'll sneak in to my place to spend the night, and we both have mutual feelings for one another. My mom totally hates him because he's of the mexican culture and what you'd call a cholo. He used to be in a gang when he was younger, but has obviously changed since then. He's 25 now, and did that stuff ten years ago. My dad has been saying shit like "oh, youre gonna get prego, get an std, lalalala. Guys just want to get in your pants I'll kick you out if you go behind my back to see him" BUT WE'RE NOT EVEN DOING THE DIRTIES. My lovely and I agreed if I were to ever get kicked out, I can come stay with him, as long as I do chores around the house and whatnot to earn my keep. Idk, what should I do about this situation?

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Mamapolo2016 · F

*gritting teeth* Please remember, you did ask.

I will tell you what I told my daughter in similar circumstances, although not identical.

If you don’t want someone bad enough to lay it on the line (tell her father), then you don’t want him bad enough.

If you’re 18-21 and have finished high school, while I strongly disagree with some of your parents’ views, it is disrespectful to live there and sneak around. If the two of you are in early stages of a strengthening friendship, I would venture to say you don’t know enough about him to be entirely sure your Dad is wrong. About his history, and his current connections, not his ethnic background.

It’s not defiance to sneak around, it’s deception. Defiance is, “Dad, I think you are totally wrong about this and I want to get to know him better. If you’re going to throw me out, then we’d better get on with it. If you’re not going to throw me out, I have something to say. I respected you enough to be honest. Can you respect me enough to have him over for dinner so you can form an opinion about HIM, not some image you have in your head? It would mean a lot to me.” Of course, if he follows through on his threat, you have to be ready to go.

You also need to consider if your feelings for this young man are strong enough to warrant breaking family ties that may not be fixable.

You also need to think about what you would do if things don’t work out with him. Could you go home again?

Underconstruction · F

If you are an adult already you can do as you please. Keep in mind though that parents are normally concerned about the well being of their children.
So, worrying about his past as a gang member I can understand.

However, hating him because he is of Mexican descent is simply ignorant and stupid.

You'll have to choose your battles.

SW-User

You're old enough to see whom you want. Keep it secret and use condoms. Thats what i did and it worked for me

th3r0n · 41-45, M

Definitely don’t want to be having sex unmarried, but If they haven’t met him they really need to

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