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I In My Own Words

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined my life turning out like this. Now, with more days behind me than in front of me, I can only think this is it, and I wonder what the hell it was all about?

Meaningless. Utterly meaningless.
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It is up to you to discover what gives your life meaning. Ask yourself what you would cherish the most if you were on your deathbed. That is life reduced to its essence. It may give you a clue to the meaningfulness you feel is lacking.