I Want to Find My Soulmate

I don't know where to start. I guess I'll start by saying after 4 relationships I'm absolutely sick of dating and just want to find my soulmate or someone to share my life with. I hate dating, I hate it so much. I just want to settle down and have a family and a beautiful life. I'm struggling to find someone who is independent yet very affectionate. Its as if women like that don't exist, and you can tell me all you like to "meet more people" but I have. I've spoken to probably 100+ women in the past few years and I still only talk to maybe 2 and 1 is interested in me but she is not loving at all. She is kind of, but not really. Unfortunately due to events early on in my childhood I went from not needing love to REALLY needing to feel appreciated. I hate that it happened, I really do.

If anyone is interested in talking feel free to message me. I'm 21, Australian, tall, little chubby, extremely romantic and loving, caring, independent, smart, talkative (at times), good listener, funny and very family orientated. If you have at least 3 of what I've just said about myself, please please inbox me :)

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KaysHealingPath · 36-40, F

you need to love yourself first and be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.
if you can't be happy by yourself no one else will make you truly happy.
your happiness shouldn't depend on other people.

take the year to discover yourself. do things you enjoy, hang out with friends, don't focus on relationships right now, just doing things you enjoy for yourself, when the time is right you'll find the right one.

you sound so unhappy with yourself and as long as you feel that way you'll provoke the same in other people.

ApatheticLife · 26-30, M

Yeah, the last bit you said is true. I have done that to 1 girl already, not completely but you can see gradually. The problem is, how do I become independent and happy with myself when I'm so scared to be alone? I'm not fishing for attention, I really do want advice here :)

KaysHealingPath · 36-40, F

@ApatheticLife: i wish i could give you the right answer, but honestly the right answer is different for everyone. i think you need to learn to be ok with yourself.

most people who fear being alone are the ones who are so unhappy with themselves that the sheer thought of being with themselves for the rest of their lives does make them feel bad.
but lets face it, even if you are in a relationship, you are still going to be with yourself, you are the only person you can count on 100% of the time and that is a reality you must face.
i think you would really benefit from counseling or therapy, and maybe try and just be single for a whole year, only when you can be comfortable with yourself will you be able to be in a good lasting relationship.

ApatheticLife · 26-30, M

Thanks a lot for your advice. I really appreciate it and I have taken it aboard. :)

SW-User

I'll give you some advice. If you feel like you NEED to be in a relationship....then the last thing you or the person you'd end up with needs is for you to be in a relationship. Get some independence of your own.

ApatheticLife · 26-30, M

Thanks for the advice! :) may I ask why?

SW-User

@ApatheticLife: I couldn't say it any better than Tristemuneca just said it below.

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