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Spirituality & Religion

Today in hilarious bible passages: Joshua chapter 9

[b]The story so far:[/b]

[i][c=#BF0000]The Israelites have been cutting a path of destruction through the promised land, mercilessly killing every man, woman and child that they find in the towns god promised to them.
The People of Gibeon see all this happening and so they pretend to be from a distant land so that the Israelites will make a peace treaty with them.
When the Israelites discover the deception they respond thusly:[/c][/i]

[quote]Joshua called together the Gibeonites and said, “Why did you lie to us? Why did you say that you live in a distant land when you live right here among us? 23May you be cursed! From now on you will always be servants who cut wood and carry water for the house of my God.”

24They replied, “We did it because we—your servants—were clearly told that the LORD your God commanded his servant Moses to give you this entire land and to destroy all the people living in it. So we feared greatly for our lives because of you. That is why we have done this. 25Now we are at your mercy—do to us whatever you think is right.”[/quote]

Like [i] no shit[/i], Joshua! Why do you think they lied to the family butchering horde rampaging across their homeland? And then you get salty about it?!😂😭


Good stuff.
Oldest First | Newest First
hunkalove · 61-69, M
That God fella sure don't seem like a nice guy.
[@45528,hunkalove]

Well i have to agree there. His character as revealed through his alleged actions and orders is not particularly pleasant.

But let's not get hung up on that in this thread. This thread is about funny!😁
hunkalove · 61-69, M
[@360493,Pikachu] I sure hope He don't have any kids!
[@45528,hunkalove]

lol
Doomflower · 36-40, F
I mean at least they're HONEST civilization destroying marauders
[@85866,Doomflower]

lol well yeah. I mean they kept their treaty because they swore it in the name of god.
I just think it's hilarious that Joshua is acting like the wronged party here😂
is your father a Pastor
[@10636,QueenOfQuirk]

No. He's a teacher.
[@360493,Pikachu] oh bc you sound like a character from a show Ik
[@10636,QueenOfQuirk]

lol maybe i am, secretly and i'm just trying to throw you off the scent😉
redredred · M
Why didnt a supposedly omnipotent god just put the Israelites in the promised land to begin with? Such horseshit.
Carazaa · F
[@336854,redredred]
Yeah, God is just terrible to ask anything from us at all! He should just give us everything for nothing in return! Bad God! Bad God! He should have no requirements, just to meditate and sit and chant like Buddah or smoke weed,
How ridiculous! 😒
redredred · M
[@889684,Carazaa] Well Canaanite infants might disagree with you but theres nothing holier than dead babies. BTW, What's your take on abortion?
Carazaa · F
[@336854,redredred] I think It’s a sin! But I’m not to tell someone what to do with their own body! However, for all those who have had abortion, Jesus forgives all sin if you repent! God says “whoever sheds innocent blood, their blood will be shed” so this is serious! Repent and live!
GodSpeed63 · 61-69, M
According to you, those people in the promised land were supposedly innocent people that the Israelites supposedly murdered.

Have you not read what those wicked people did to their own women and children? Have you ever done any research on them? of course not, you just want to find fault with God and His Word. Not going to happen.
[@733370,GodSpeed63]

You haven't answered my question yet:

[i]If you were rampaging through a city killing women and children would you be offended or surprised if someone lied to you in order to spare themselves and their families?[/i]
Deesa123 · F
[@733370,GodSpeed63] please dont try and respond to this idiot..its his hobby to come on here and try and bully christians..he has no real life and sits in his bedroom all day playing with the giant dick on his head and thinking of stupid questions to ask..so be the better person and walk away leave him to sit in his own poison
Deesa123 · F
[@360493,Pikachu] get a real life bozo
Carazaa · F
You forgot to summarize correctly that the Jews had been SLAVES and God had freed them and helped them to kill off their enemies in war, because he loved them! Praise be to God Almighty who helps the weak, even today!
I love Jesus, a help for sinners!
“ [b]Come all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest”[/b]
[@722316,TheWildEcho]

Well not really. I'm relaying how i found something in the bible funny. I'm not discussing the "bible".
It's the equivalent of that experience many of us have as children where you tell your parents a joke and they take it as an opportunity to instruct you in some lesson.

Loosen up, have a laugh😉
TheWildEcho · 56-60, M
[@360493,Pikachu] I was trying to!
[@722316,TheWildEcho]

lol it's fine if you don't it funny. Humour is subjective.
Just don't take it as an opportunity to lecture.😉
NeloAngelo · 22-25, M
he may have been an family butchering conquering horde but he was an HONEST family butchering conquering horde.
Deesa123 · F
Lol are you still picking arguments with people 🤦‍♀️ im gonna pray for you my child, rid you of all that bitterness and poison that makes you look like a complete MUPPET!! 🤪 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

 
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