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Can my parents force me to go to church? [Spirituality & Religion]

NOTE: Sorry, this is going to be long, but I feel that some background is needed for this question.

So, I am 19, and I still live under my parent's roof. I don't have too much money in savings, but I work around 15-20 hours a week along with being a full time student, so I'm saving up as much as I can to move out within the next couple of years or so. (With a roomate or two, because let's face it, minimum wage could never cover rent AND utilities anywhere.)
Anyways, my parents (most specifically my father) have the mentality that "I live under their roof, therefore I live by their rules." My dad even takes it so far as to that if I want to move out, he feels that he has to give me permission to do so, and that if I take my car somewhere that they do not approve of, I KNOW he would not hesitate to call the police and say that I stole it. Also,both of my parents have an app that tracks my location on both my phone and my brother's, AND MY BROTHER IS 21. (Yes, he still lives at home.)
So, with all of this information, my dad still is VERY big on church and sees any time that I am sick or am helping volunteer in the church with the nursery as an excuse to miss the service. It's not that I don't believe in God or anything anymore, but I'd rather discover things on my own and make sure I know why I believe what I believe by exploring things by myself and not just because it's what I grew up in. So, in my opinion I don't think church should be forced upon me, because honestly, every time I'm forced to go, it makes me think that people at church are narrow-minded and only care about people believing what THEY want. And, as I said, it's not that I don't believe in it, but I want to discover on my own WHY I believe it. So, everytime I am not in the mood for church, my dad has a hissy fit. He tells me "how God should be first in my life, and church is the most important thing.. blah, blah, blah." And it's not that I don't agree, but sometimes, especially with school and work, I need a day to sleep in, or I don't feel like being pressured to believe in something that I want to discover the truth about on my own.
So, sorry this was long, but I really hope someone can give me some clarity as to why my parents are so overprotective and what I can do to get them to ease up a bit.

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CountScrofula · 41-45, M

So to be clear your parents are inanely over-controlling to the point I'd consider it borderline abusive. You're an adult. [b]Your parents cannot force you to do anything.[/b] The tracking stuff in particular is egregious.

Your options are to tough it out, to break some rules, or to break all the rules and see how far they go. For example, take your car somewhere and let them call the police. The police don't take kindly to someone wasting their time with frivolous calls. They'll get in trouble, not you. Just make sure you have your documentation.

It may be worth it to take a gap year and work two jobs just to save up enough to get your own place to go back to school in just to get out. You need to remove their financial control over you.

As for church... honestly, that's the hardest one. If your dad genuinely believes you will suffer for eternity if you skip a few Sundays it's basically a battle of wills. However, he cannot legally force you.

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marilynmichelle · F

@questionWeaver Why? What's wrong with that advice?

questionWeaver

@marilynmichelle

He addressed somebody's issues ... but not the ones you described.

we should never suggest playing games with the police

or suggest leaving home

you didn't even describe a challenge of faith ...

People all the time create conflict where there is none.

You described the Abilene Paradox

Where cooperation is the issue ... not conflict or battle of wills.

CountScrofula · 41-45, M

@questionWeaver I don't see what you're actually suggesting here.

I'm not advising she involve the police. I'm saying that her parents' threat to call the police is an empty one with no actual weight or meaning.

The challenge of faith is not my business, this is about if her parents can force her to go to church. They can't. But they can browbeat or yell at or remove privileges from her. So she can choose to defy them or comply. Obviously negotiating has already taken place and she hasn't come out ahead.

And moving out on your own isn't a radical or strange suggestion. Her parents are clearly over-controlling.

westwiiler · 51-55, M

I was 44, split with my eofe and my dad pulled the "we don't have to let you live here" stuff.

You don't have to agree to it. Try a different church. Read up on what you think you believe. That's the beauty of what God has done for us. Free will. Explain to him that your faith is still intact, you feel the need to grow and see what you can do for "another" church.

It's weird with churches (particularly in the south), they feel like it's a personal insult for you to check things out.

The Bible never says to NOT question, but to keep your faith about you. Hell, Gideon did it. The apostles did it AFTER the 5000 we're fed.

I question things all the time, but I still believe that Jesus died for my sons and that no "works" will get me where I want to be.

You're not wrong for wanting to leave the nest, but maybe get your plan prepared.

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marilynmichelle · F

@westwiiler That's true, I just don't really fit into much of a leadership role. Which, is no excuse, I know. We all have gifts, I just think I want to explore other options for a while.

westwiiler · 51-55, M

@marilynmichelle

[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFntFdEGgws]

marilynmichelle · F

@westwiiler Love that clip!

JimminyChristmas · 56-60, M

Your parents are acting in a way that they feel is appropriate because they LOVE YOU!! Your father is just trying to be the best he can according to his beliefs. Until you get married, you are HIS daughter. This is not an optional viewpoint in his mind, and this is just as it should be.
It's easy for me, as a Father, to see his viewpoint.😁 Put your car in your name, and cover your own insurance. Get your own phone. Be as open as you can without being confrontational. There may not be any way to make your father be less than he feels that he should.
As for renting, save your money and put some of your spare time into figuring out how to BUY a place. Rent is an enormous waste of money!!

questionWeaver

Yes they can force you

They can force you to eat sweet peas too

Church is not the relevant topic here

Nor is force

Family cooperation is the issue

If you want the aspects of family ... and church and sweet peas are part of the family ... then it is simple ... cooperate

Within just a few years you will wish you had one more hour doing family activities.

I rarely meet someone who does not admit it.

EmmelineVivinne · 26-30, F

I think that since you live with them than if it is their wish for you to do so you should honor that wish as a courtesy, they shouldn't necessarily force you.

bhatjc · 46-50, M

@EmmelineVivinne I agree with that. But some times' let the choice of the person if they want to go or not

CereBellum

They aren't going to change. I feel bad for you, but that appears to be the way things have been and will continue.
Why aren't you in college? This would be an excellent time to move out and become more educated and independent at the same time.

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marilynmichelle · F

@CereBellum I am so sorry to hear that! Thank you so much!

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CereBellum

@CrusaderAztecheart Yes, I am able to comprehend what has been written. I answered it appropriately.

SW-User

Focus on the Lord. Pray for wisdom.
Go to church to worship. Your parents love you. It is hard for them see you growing up. The day will come when you will be gone and perhaps have a family of your own. It is hard to see everything now, but you will understand better.

Here is a link about church that might encourage you:

https://www.ibelieve.com/slideshows/10-reasons-you-should-go-to-church-every-week.html

bijouxbroussard · F

@SW-User It’s unfair. Perhaps she doesn’t want that indoctrination, and she’s old enough to decide For herself. That’s not love , it’s [b]control[/b]. If her family was Muslim I bet you would see it differently.

SW-User

@bijouxbroussard I don't agree with all the methods the parents use. They are too controlling with the tracking app. The parents might view it as protecting their daughter, though it is more overprotective than many.

gregloa · 61-69, M

Rule number one: go to church. It’s not going to do you any good if you don’t want to go. But you do kinda owe it to your dad who just wants the best for you. Remember he loves you very much. Maybe you could go and enjoy it. It’s really not that much or that hard to do. Your dad will appreciate it. Come home take a nap.plenty of time to rest. It might really do you some good.

SW-User

Good lord, how oppressive.

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vader2112 · 46-50, M

@FelixLegion There will always be freedom or religion. It's the eventual demise of freedom [i]from[/i] religion I'm worries about.

ImperialAerosolKidFromEP · 46-50, M

@vader2112 unless you can get a good amount of censorship going, you'll never have freedom from religion

ExtremeNext · 31-35

Yes or you will be sent to a cult to serve god, to marry the leader and pop out 7 babies

bhatjc · 46-50, M

@ExtremeNext Ah hell no

ExtremeNext · 31-35

@bhatjc Yes it's true

bhatjc · 46-50, M

@ExtremeNext Damn those "sex cults"

Kitakat00 · 36-40, F

I grew up with a very protective mom. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to say no, there's nothing you can do. However, you can suggest that you would like to explore the ministry in other ways so serving in other capacities makes you feel closer to God. You said you do the nursery at the church. I don't know. I figured out how to get some religious freedom by using that very language to convince my mom of what I wanted. I waited until I moved out to tell her I wasn't Christian tho. I'm sorry to say but manipulation is part of the game if you want any autonomy.

Flenflyys · 31-35, F

He cantforce you to go but if you don’t it may make your home life miserable or he may kick you out.

SW-User

Your father is an abuser and no Christian but/and you're in a vulnerable position

nedkelly · 61-69, M

@SW-User And the mother is just as guilty

Mahaq · F

Do what your heart says but do hear ur parents please

bhatjc · 46-50, M

@Mahaq good point

IchBin2 · 22-25, M

If you don't like it, move out.

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marilynmichelle · F

I mean, I do make above minimum wage, but cost of living and utilities here can be pretty pricey for one person.

IchBin2 · 22-25, M

@marilynmichelle Maybe get a room mate?

marilynmichelle · F

@IchBin2 I just don't know anyone to room with...

MrsPeterEvans · 31-35, F

Yes if you live under their roof. My father had rules for me

Thisthinglovesyou · M

Well, he has the hammer with which to beat you doesn't he? He demands you do what he wants you to or you have to move out and probably, from what it soinds like, get disowned in the bargain. Sorry but your dad is the sort of adult I really dislike. Abusive use of power. Yuck. I hope you figure something better out soon. Living there sounds toxic.

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marilynmichelle · F

@CrusaderAztecheart @CrusaderAztecheart I never said they were, I just don't believe that my parent's ways are the best for me. Never said mine were the best. That's why I'm waiting and trying to save up and get more experience before I move out on my own.

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marilynmichelle · F

@CrusaderAztecheart Ohhh.

walabby · 61-69, M

Your Dad is a control freak... sorry.. :(
As regards religion, there is a professor of bible studies from the university of NC that has written a number of books about the accuracy of the bible, Bart Ehrman. They are very interesting, but don't let your dad catch you reading them... :/

Mrsbetweenfatandfit · 26-30, F

Sounds like wonderful motivation to save money and lots of it so you can move out of there and pay for things yourself. Not much else to do besides just deal with it or leave. Sorry they feel they need such control. You won’t be under it forever.

vader2112 · 46-50, M

@Mrsbetweenfatandfit This pretty much sums it up.

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sighmeupforthat · 46-50, M

yr 19?

leave.

marilynmichelle · F

@sighmeupforthat I don't have the means to leave. I don't have the money, and the car was paid for by my parents.

Butterflykisses24 · 51-55, F

Your parents are very strict.I would try reasoning with them.Let them know you are feeling pushed.Say you are no longer a child and that they raised you well but you have a mind of your own now

SamuraiJack · 36-40, M

And just cuz they can tell you to go to church doesn’t mean you have to listen!

marilynmichelle · F

@SamuraiJack I pretty much do, otherwise they can kick me out and cut me off, and I don't have the means to support myself at the moment.

SamuraiJack · 36-40, M

@marilynmichelle wow what a Christian thing for them to do.

nedkelly · 61-69, M

While living at home just respect your parents wishes, when you can afford to leave home than you have the choice not to attend church

RosaDawn · 46-50, F

Of course he cant legally but if he dont want to listen to you, you wont live in peace there.

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nevergiveup · M

my mother was a strict religious woman and we was forced to go to church and our lives was based on the bible

Starcrossed · 41-45, F

Tl:Dr you're 19. It's their house, their rules. Move out and don't to to church.

NankerPhelge · 61-69, M

No, you are an adult and old enough to make your own decisions.

MsAnnThropy

Realistically? No. Even if you live in their house.

SamuraiJack · 36-40, M

Just tell them you don’t wanna go.

MURD3RM0NK3Y · 26-30, M

Time to move out.

SamuraiJack · 36-40, M

Hey mods!

marilynmichelle · F

@SamuraiJack What?

SamuraiJack · 36-40, M

Yes

DiamondInTheMud · 31-35, M

bijouxbroussard · F

It’s very unfair, and ironically like something one would hear about in a Middle Eastern country. If you live in the U.S. you have more options—for example you certainly don’t have to get permission to move out. However, that may be what you have to do to gain any type of personal freedom, even if it’s only renting a room in someone else’s home. As long as you live with your parents they can make church a requirement because they [b]don’t[/b] legally have to provide you housing.

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